Many Happy Returns
- Page 5 -

Xena: "Okay, where's the bag."
Aphrodite: "Genia has it."
Xena: "Where's Genia?"
Aphrodite: "Oh, I popped her back to the marketplace. She might as well shop while she's waiting."
Xena: "What?"
Aphrodite: "Oh, don't thank me. Just doing the god thing."
Xena: "Aphrodite, the zealots are looking for her there!"
Aphrodite: "Huh?"
Gabrielle: "Robe … altar … human sacrifice."
Aphrodite: "That was a true story?"

Ferragus: "Dumpty-dumpty-dumpty-do … [opening up Aphrodite's bag] … Wait a minute. No! No! I knew that Anthrax looked familiar. Xena! Worming her way into my lair! Stealing my helmet! I'll kill her!"
Zarat: "Perhaps, I could be of some assistance." … [holding out the bag]
Ferragus: [realizing it's empty] … "Where's the helmet?"
Zarat: "Oh, you can have it back, if we can make a deal."
Ferragus: "I'm listening."

Aphrodite: "There's no sign of Genia anywhere."
Gabrielle: "This is my fault."
Aphrodite: "No! It's my fault! I cast a spell on her."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, but I switched the bags. If I hadn't been so suspicious at the tavern, this wouldn't have happened."

Xena: "Gabrielle!" … [finding one of Genia's shoes]
Gabrielle: "What'd you find?"
Aphrodite: "She's been sacrificed!"
Xena: "Maybe not yet. There's a zealot temple two miles down the road. I'm guessing they'd want to do it there."

I can cast a spell ... or maybe not
Aphrodite: "Okay, so what I can do to help? I can cast a spell … [seeing the look of horror on Xena and Gabrielle's faces] … or maybe not."
Xena: "Actually, Aphrodite, there is something you can do."

[In the zealot temple, Genia is chained down to an altar. Above her, a large slab of stone with sharp spikes looms above her.]

Zarat: "Almighty Master, we ask you one more time, take this virgin sacrifice and protect us from our enemies!"
Xena: "Zarat!"
Zarat: "Xena! Haven't you ever heard of religious freedom?"
Xena: "Freedom has nothing to do with sacrificing Genia or anyone else, and neither has religion. This ends here."
Zarat: "We'll see."

[Ferragus floats into view with the helmet of Hermes on.]

Xena: "Stay out of this, Ferragus! I'll deal with you later."
Ferragus: "I don't think so. You see? In exchange for the helmet, I promised Zarat here I'd take you out of the picture."
Gabrielle: "Since when do warlords keep their promises?"
Ferragus: "Since I wanted to kick your butt anyway!"

[Ferragus and Xena begin to duke it out.]

Ferragus: [momentarily getting the upper hand] … "What's the matter, Xena? Losing your touch?"
Xena: "Touch this!" … [opens up a can of some serious whoop-ass]

Xena: [swipes the helmet off of a dazed Ferragus] … "Thank you! Gabrielle, catch!"

[Xena beats off a few more priests and rescues Genia. Zarat takes off after Gabrielle and the helmet.] Xena: "Gabrielle!"
Zarat: "Up here … [with Gabrielle at knife point] …You may have stopped this sacrifice, Xena, but that's all. I will find other followers. Perhaps my next tribe will offer their sacrifices to me." … [puts on the helmet and jumps off the balcony … and lands face first on the floor]
Xena: "Or not."

Genia: "What happened? He was wearing the helmet."
Xena: "He was wearing a helmet."
Gabrielle: "Xena had me switch the helmets just in case."
Genia: "So, where's the helmet of Hermes?"
Aphrodite: "Right here, Sweet Pea."

Genia: "I can't believe I was going to give my life away to them."
Frankus: "Genia! Genia, I was afraid I'd be too late."
Genia: "Frankus, I'm sorry, but we can't be together."
Frankus: "It's 'cause of the old man, isn't it?"
Genia: "No, Xena's shown me that I can't live my life following others. I have to be my own person and chase my own dreams. We can still be friends.

Genia: "Xena, you and Gabrielle are gonna have to go along without me."
Xena: "Oh, you're sure?"
Genia: "Before we met, I thought the best thing I could do with my life was throw it away. But now I found something worth living for."
Xena: "What?"
Genia: "I'm turning the convent into a shelter for those in need."
Xena: "Well, that is great."
Gabrielle: "Good for you."

Genia: "Oh, I almost forgot … [gives Gabrielle a flower] … happy birthday."
Xena: "Speaking of which, we have got a show to catch."
Aphrodite: "Have fun, you two … [looking at Genia and Frankus] … So, friends? I can work with that. Some of my best friends are friends. But, we need to rethink the whole retro-sacrificial thing."

Xena: "I'm really sorry, Gabrielle. I didn't realize Sappho was only here for one performance."
Gabrielle: "It's the thought that counts, Xena, although I would like to hear her read her poetry one day. You know, how did you fall for my fish guts gag?"
Xena: "I don't know."

Now, we're even
Gabrielle: "You knew that I would go crazy waiting for you to get even. Xena, didn't see it coming." … [tries to take a drink out of a cup, which promptly spills all over her]
Xena: "Nor that. Now, we're even."

Trust me, please
Xena: "Here, give me that … [taking dribble cup away from Gabs] … I want you to close your eyes."
Gabrielle: "No."
Xena: "Trust me, please."
Gabrielle: "No."
Xena: "Close your eyes." … [places a scroll in Gabrielle's lap]

What is this?
Gabrielle: "What is this?"
Xena: "Open it. I had Sappho jot something down for you."
Gabrielle: "A poem? Sappho wrote a poem for me. I don't believe it. Xena, you had this planned all along, didn't you? ...

There's a moment when I look at you ...
'... There's a moment when I look at you
And no speech is left in me
My tongue breaks
Then fire races under my skin and I tremble
And grow pale for I am dying of such love
Or so it seems to me.'"
... And no speech is left in me

Happy birthday, Gabrielle!
Gabrielle: "It's beautiful. This is the best birthday present I have ever had."
Xena: "'Course, it ain't over yet … [puts the helmet on and the gals fly off into the sunset together] … Happy birthday, Gabrielle!"

DISCLAIMER: No fish guts were harmed in the making of this motion picture.

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