Many Happy Returns

Xena & Gabrielle and Aphrodite team to save a young virgin sacrifice, while thwarting a local warlord and his horde. Gabrielle gets one up on Xena, much to her own dismay. Aphrodite almost gets it right. And Xena shows her softer side.

Is it so big that I can't carry it?
Gabrielle: "How big is it?"
Xena: "It's huge!"
Gabrielle: "Is it so big that I can't carry it?"
Xena: "Nah, you can slip it in your pocket."

Gabrielle: "Tell me!"
Xena: "No."
Gabrielle: "Ah!"
Xena: "No, because then it won't be your birthday surprise, will it? You'll find out tomorrow."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, another year older, but wiser? No."

Not the pranks
Xena: "Well, anyway, you can't find out what it is until after you-know-what."
Gabrielle: "Not the pranks."
Xena: "It's tradition."
Gabrielle: "Xena, tradition or not, no practical jokes this year, alright? Not at all. Please? Please?"

Xena: [with a very silky voice] "Oh, you're gonna have to do better than that."
Gabrielle: "Please? [jumping up and down] Please?"
Xena: [with fingers crossed behind her back] "Alright, no practical jokes."
Gabrielle: "Good."

Xena: [handing Gabrielle a bag] "Hold this for a moment, would you?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah you'd think the helmet of Hermes would be a little lighter."
Xena: "I promised King Thoez we'd drop it off to him for his coronation, since we're going that way anyway."
Gabrielle: "Does that mean my present is in Thebes?"

I don't see anything
Xena: "What is that?" [pulls a telescope out of Argo's bag and proceeds to look through it the wrong way]
Gabrielle: "Xena, give me that huh, I don't see anything." [pulls the telescope away to reveal a dark ring around her eye]
Xena: "My mistake."

Zarat: "Oh, Lord! Hear me now! Oh Lord! We beseech thee! Protect us from Ferragus!"
Priests: "Protect us from Ferragus!"
Zarat: "And lest ye find us ungrateful, Lord, we offer you a soul of unmatched purity. We ask that you grant us sanctuary from the warlord Almighty Master, save us from disaster!"
Priests: "Save us from disaster."

Put the girl down!
Xena: "Put the girl down!"
Zarat: "You're interrupting a religious ceremony!"
Xena: "Forgive me, Father."
Zarat: "Stop her!"

[Xena and Gabrielle make short work of the priests, but not before the sacrifice is hauled over the edge of a cliff. Xena grabs the helmet of Hermes and dives over the cliff to save the girl.]

Zarat: "I commend you to the Almighty!"

It's alright.  I've gotcha.
Xena: [having caught the girl and flying, yes, I said flying, back up to the mainland] "It's alright. I've gotcha."

Take thy humble servant, Genia, to thy bosom
Xena: "You alright?"
Genia: "Oh, divine presence, as you have made yourself manifest, take thy humble servant, Genia, to thy bosom." [embraces Xena]
Xena: "Whoa [gesturing to aforementioned bosom] these are spoken for."

Xena: "Now what are you doing?"
Genia: "Praying to you, O' Flying One."
Xena: "Oh, no, no, no, it's just a hat. Look, I'm not a god. My name is Xena."
Genia: "You mean I'm still alive?"
Xena: "You're still alive."
Genia: "I don't believe it!"
Xena: "Think nothing of it."
Genia: "You ruined my sacrifice!"

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