Season 5 ...
"What do you know about guys? You're an Amazon. All you know about is shopping for bows and arrows and emasculation."
"Women, can't live with em ... can't chain em in the yard."
"No no. Gabrielle, look, with me around to handle the smaller and more indispensable aspects of life, that leaves you to handle the larger and more important ones."
"Hey, never underestimate cooks."
"Wait a minute. No offense, but Gabby doesn't know Shallot from Shellfish, you know?."
"He don't speak Greek too good, do he?"
"Yep. I won two awards for this at the Thebian Cooking Academy. Of course, the Thebians' legendary flatulence had nothing to do with this."
"Who was going to pull their swords first, me or them? I looked them in the eye, and then -- Whang! Ten of them went down right then and there before me! ... Well, bravery really isn't the word for it. It's more like incredible chivalry. Because right then and there, wave after wave came! Wham! Hiyah! Ahh! Hoo! Haa! Blood everywhere! Then, right in front of me -- Kahn's entire army. Hund- ... Thou- ... Thous- ... Hundreds of thousands of them came after me! I ... Wham! ... ten of them went down! Whang! Whop! Wham! Ten, spurting blood everywhere! And they ran. I dropped my sword, but then Kahn came right towards me! I looked at him, took my hand, reached into him, and pulled out his beating heart!"
"Do birds fly? Do bees buzz? Do I take a bath once a month whether I need it or not? You bet."
"Oh, Pregnant Woman's hungry -- there's news ... Ow!"
"Giants ... ha ha ha ... Hades, that's the least of your problems. Let's see, there's Dryads ... Harpies ... Bacchae ... oh sure, that kid of yours is going to encounter a host of problems. Let's see -- pestilence, disease, foot rot, misery. But, you know what, Xena? That kid's got something he couldn't get anywhere else ... You."
"... well, it all started when I was a child. I was a happy kid, at first. But, then Mom and Dad started fighting. He'd get tanked and take the chariot ... no matter who tried to stop him. One day, Mom took it hard. And then, she took a couple of arrows from Dad's creditors and died. It's just not fair!"
"Must be Lachrymose intolerant."
"Why is everyone telling me to think? I think. I just don't show it."
"No, wait! I didn't explain myself. I need to use the little warrior's room. Look, you can either take me to those bushes over there, or
help me by dropping my pants right here
"Oh, hi. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to look at you. I don't even like looking at naked girls. I don't. Can you please get Xena? I've been here a really long time. I'm so sor--
(Rhea bares her barely covered body)
Hello, name's Joxer. Spelled J-O-X-E-Rrrrrr. Know what I mean? I'm a warrior. I've killed a lot of people. That turn you on, killing people?"
"Hey, listen - we're not just machines, you know, you can use to
Besides, you know, we can't just do it on command. We need stuff like cheap motel rooms, and dirty pictures and lingerie - stuff like that. We're not animals
but I can get those things."
"Hey, it's not my fault if a bunch of half-naked woman are bathing and I just happen to be watching them from the bushes for a really long time. Ow!"
"Hi there. Remember me? The name's Joxer, J-O-X-E-R. The 'X' is extra-super sexy'."
"No, you're - you're very attractive. I just don't think this is going to work. Look, you're a Pagan, I'm a Zoroastrian. How will we raise our kids?"
"Oh, I get it. I was a sexual object, used and then tossed away. The baloney pony. A disposable stud
"Yeah, see? So
it's all settled. I'll go get my armor and delouse my sword, and, hey, you know, it'll be like old times again."
18, 19, 20
to one. Good odds."
problem. Spill that infidel's blood. Personally, I never like to kill infidels before noon
though in your cases, I'll make an excep--
oh, hey, that is sharp."
"What? What's the matter with you guys? I'll be fine. I'm a little cold -- but it doesn't hurt anymore."
"Ow! Man! Materializing is not like it is in the brochure