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"I have this overwhelming sense of grodiness."

"I'm Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love. Temples are my kahunas, the way I know whether I'm happening or not."

"Who would want to look at a stupid river when you could look at me?"

"Oh, I'm so good ... when I'm bad, I'm better."

"Love isn't just about happy endings. There's also jealous love and unrequited love and tragic love. And when you strip away all the tinsel it's just about hormones, isn't it?"

"Could you be anymore clumsy? This is, like, a brand new antique."

"Oh come on, nobody's really innocent ... (to Gabrielle) ... well, maybe you. Besides, I can't break the spell, if I did everyone would think I was pressured into it by some mortal. My goddess stock would plummet."

"Why won't it stay up? Basic hair care was not such a drag as a goddess."

"Flattery works, keep going."

"Look I really hate to be the one to break up like a major love-fest, but look at me! I'm not built to be mortal. We have to put things back the way they were."

"Need it ... got it ... hate it ... can always hock it ... Grody! Why do these mortal types always give me fish. I hate fish."

"Now look what you've done, you monster. I told you never to play with the bottle labeled ‘Passion.' It's totally explosive stuff."

"That's it! As if, dear child. Do these features look evil?"

"My little pookey's slipper ... Admit it, you miss the little monster ... As if, what's there to miss? The noise? The crying? The Fairy God's Mother rap? But, she did have potential ... ‘Fes up, girlfriend. You're suffering from empty nest syndrome. Your little boy, Cupid, is all grown up and now you're lonely ... She was kinda cute, wasn't she? ... No duh, you're problem is you didn't play the ‘mommy' gig long enough, you know ... You mean like stories and cuddles and that kinda stuff? I could do that. Do you think I could do that? ... Totally. She could be your personal mascot, the Demi-Goddess of Puppy Love ... Tubular! I am such a visionary."

"Aphrodite, Goddess of Love. I've got a proposition for you ... not that kind of proposition. You guys want your brother back, right? I can help you if you do me a favor. Xena's got my little girl. You help me get her back, I'll help you get Zantar. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours ... stop it. You know what I mean."

"Yada yada yada. Talk about your sappy stories. Look kid, we had some fun, didn't we? But, this love thing it's just not something I can teach you, it's something you have to learn on your own. And, this is as good a place as any. There's a lot of love here, from your dad and your step-mom."

"Kindness. Charity. Compassion ... not to mention a 20% increase in my offerings since I let these poor unfortunates crash here while the sisters try to heal them."

"Whoo-hoo! You go cow-girl! Yippee-kee-yi-yay!"

"Does Medusa have bad hair days? I am so there!"

"Well, I guess all's well that ends well. And, if you don't need me for anything else, I'm late for a facial."

"Owee! What's with the attitude? I let you sleep in my temple. I show real concern for your insomnia. And you treat me like I'm a rash where the sun don't shine."

"Sweet Pea ... I am immortal, you know? I got nothing but time."

"So, you shrunk her horse. Big deal! Everybody shrinks as they get older. That's why old people are so short."

" ‘Patient is hostile and insecure, possibly masking some latent tendencies.'"

"Honey, don't let the blond hair fool you. Although bombastic forms of circumlocution should be generally avoided, one mustn't shy away from big words in the right context."

"Are you kidding? Honey, god or no god, lachrymose is still a man. You should have tried a little sex appeal. It's the only way to truly entertain the weaker sex."

"Of course! Who do you think accessorizes all of these outfits? Someone's got to put those shoes with that jacket and so on."

"Essence of white chocolate, to be exact. Haven't you heard that chocolate's an aphrodisiac? It's one of my little secrets."

"Don't thank me yet. Wait ‘til you get my bill."

"Discord … are you still looking for someone to shave your back?"

"Aren't you late for your delousing?"

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c. 5/22/00