The God You Know
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Xena: "No!" … [kicks Caligula away from Aphrodite too late]
Caligula: "Your passion for me overrides your good sense. But, I like that in a woman. I will forgive your jealous outburst because … [leaps to the other side of the room] … Whoa! Oh yeah! I feel good! Watch me!" … [disappears from the room]

'I know we're, like, close, but is this appropriate?'
Gabrielle: "Aphrodite!"
Aphrodite: "Gabrielle, I know we're, like, close, but is this appropriate?"
Gabrielle: "Is it really you?"
Aphrodite: "Okay, Gabs, has anyone ever told you that you can be, like, a total ditz?"

'Caligula ... Eww!'
Xena: "Aphrodite, what do you think about Caligula?"
Aphrodite: "Caligula … Eww!"
Xena: "The bond between them's been broken."
Aphrodite: "Okay, whatever, I'm getting us out of here."
Xena: "You can't, Aphrodite. Caligula is truly a god now."

Xena: "Open the door. Leave us … Eve."
Ares: "What's happened?"
Xena: "Aphrodite's got her mind back, but she's lost her immortality."
Ares: "So, he's a full god now."
Xena: "It gets worse. Eli's stripped me of my power to kill gods. It means I have no way of halting Caligula's madness."

Xena: "Oh, Eve, I'm sorry."
Eve: "It wasn't the punch that hurt. You trampled right over the decision I had made."
Xena: "I had to, Eve."
Eve: "No. You forget, Mother, it's my life ... it's my death … it's my choice."
Xena: "No, you forget. I am your mother and I would die before I'd let him touch a hair on your head."

'You can't protect me from all the cruelty in the world'
Eve: "You can't protect me from all the cruelty in the world, Mother."
Xena: "It's funny you should say that."

[Xena pulls Eve along behind her horse through the crowd and up to a post to which she is bound.]

'Citizens of Rome!'
Caligula: "Citizens of Rome! You are here to witness a chariot race celebrating the allegiance between your god-emperor and his new queen, the Goddess Saba. The victor of the race wins the right to kill Eve of the Elijans, formerly Livia, the Whore of Rome."
Xena: "Let it begin!"

[The two hop into their chariots and take off through the city.]

Caligula: [shoots a fireball wildly though the street] … "Oops. Still getting the hang of that!"

Caligula: [fires off a few fireballs into a field] … "Don't you just love this god stuff?"
Xena: "Absolutely!"

Xena: [Caligula, sensing Xena pulling ahead, cracks her with his whip a few times] … "Methinks my lord enjoys this sport a little too much!"
Caligula: "You got it, babe!"

[Xena's chariot pulls ahead on the final stretch. As Caligula fights to catch up, his chariot is overturned and he sprawls to the ground.]

'That's Xena, the Warrior Princess!'
Caligula: "Well … that was quite a race. I guess you're going to be the one who spills the blood."
Xena: "Yes, I've been waiting for this opportunity a long time, only it won't be her blood that is spilled today." … [removes her mask]
Gabrielle: "That's Xena! That's Xena, the Warrior Princess!"

Caligula: "Xena? … Xena. I know that name. Yes, Xena, Slayer of ... Gods."
Xena: "Also know as Xena, mother of the girl you so charmingly called 'Whore of Rome'." … [pulls her sword from its sheath]
Caligula: "Perhaps … we could renegotiate the exact terms of the prize."
Xena: "No." … [kicks him, knocking him down to his hands and knees]

'So, you gotta ask yourself, do you feel lucky?'
Crowd: "Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! …"
Xena: "The only thing we'll renegotiate is what happens to you. Caligula … I have been killing gods for years, and you can barely throw a fireball straight. So, you gotta ask yourself, do you feel lucky?"

Caligula: [to the crowd who is cheering for Xena] … "I am your emperor! I am your god! How dare you not give me the respect I deserve! You are nothing! I allow you to worship me!" … [a young girl throws a tomato at him, which strikes him in the face]

Xena: "Hold on, Caligula. I'm going to spare you the humiliation of dying on your knees."
Caligula: "Please …"
Xena: "Listen to me. Still, you're going to have what you've always wanted, your place amongst the Pantheon of Roman gods. What better way to start your new cult of blood than with the ultimate act of bloodshed? The spilling of your own blood."
Man: "Down with Caligula!"
Caligula: "They hate me."
Xena: "Don't listen to them."

'If I kill you ... why, you're just another dead god'
Caligula: "They think I'm weak."
Xena: "Then prove to them that you're not. Caligula, kill yourself. If I kill you … why, you're just another dead god. But, if you were to kill yourself …" … [puts the sword in Caligula's hands with the blade pointed toward his chest]
Caligula: "Then my name lives forever."

Xena: "Forever, yes. Do it, Caligula. Take your rightful place. Do it. I understand …"
Caligula: "Yes. Live forever." … [plunges the sword into his chest]

Xena: "The only person in all Rome who could kill Caligula … was Caligula."

'How are you feeling?'
Gabrielle: "How are you feeling?"
Xena: "Dirty. How should I feel?"
Gabrielle: "Xena, there was nothing you could do. He was evil."
Xena: "No … he was damaged, he wasn't evil."

'It's not fair'
Aphrodite: [trying to zap herself away] … "It's not fair. Oh, it's not fair. It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair."
Ares: "Welcome to my nightmare, Sis."

Aphrodite: "Gabrielle, when you were trying to get through to me earlier, you said a couple of times that you were my friend. Did you really mean that?"
Gabrielle: "Absolutely."
Aphrodite: "How cloyingly sentimental, but very much appreciated."

Xena: "Alright, everyone … let's get out of here. Come on."

'I still got my two greatest gifts'
Eve: "Are you sorry, Mother? To lose your greatest gift, the ability to kill gods?"
Xena: "No, it'll just make life spicier. Besides, I still got my two greatest gifts, and I've got no intention of losing either on of them."

DISCLAIMER: Gabrielle's undercover disguise was severely harmed during the making of this motion picture.

Images courtesy of The Temple of the Chakram
and The Australian Xena Information Page

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