The Warrior Princess

In which Xena masters the art of "manipulative bitch."

Iolas finally meets the perfect woman. Xena's smart, sexy, great with a sword, and homicidal. Xena pits Iolas against Hercules using one of the oldest tricks in the book, lust. Her goal, besides world domination, kill the son of Zeus. Fortunately for our heroic duo, good prevails. Extra fortunate for audiences, Xena promises to return.

Hercules: (to Iolas) "Haven't you heard the old saying...there are plenty of fish in the sea. Somewhere, the perfect woman is waiting for you."

The perfect woman?
Xena: "Pathetic! If you can't learn to fight better than that, you'll never be able to defeat Hercules. And, I want him dead!"

Iolas: "Need any help?"
Xena: "Stay away!"
Iolas: "Hey, take it easy."
Xena: "Give me a reason to."
Iolas: "Come on, do I look dangerous?"
Xena: "Looks can be very deceiving."
Looks can be very deceiving

Think you could help me one last time?
Xena: "I think I'd be better off trying to look for a soft warm bed...(to Iolas) think you could help me one last time?"

Iolas: "What's wrong?"
Xena: "I don't want you to fall in love with me."
Iolas: "It may be too late. Have you thought about that?"
Xena: "I was hoping I would be the only one to go away from this with a broken heart."

Iolas: "You're a warrior."
Xena: "I used to think I was."

I like it like that
Xena: "You're not going to take 'no' for an answer, are you?"
Iolas: "No."
Xena: "I like it like that."

Xena: "Better to go without than to have to share a bed with Hercules best friend."

Xena: (to poor unsuspecting fool) "Go, make me proud."

He's the best
Xena: "Iolas is all the help I need."
Hercules: "Well, you know how I feel about him. He's the best."
Xena: "That's why he's with me."
That's why he's with me

Xena: "In case you're still wondering, I really would rather go into battle with you."
Iolas: "You don't have to make me feel good."
Xena: "And you don't have to treat me like a hippocrite. Believe it or not, I don't give a fig for Hercules or his reputation."
Iolas: "Then you're the only one, Xena."
Xena: "Maybe you and the rest of his adoring legions should take a better look at him. What's Hercules really fighting for? Go ahead Iolas, tell me."
Iolas: "He fights to help people. I thought everybody knew that. He wants to stop slavery and injustice."
Xena: "No, stop. You're a grown man. You're an honored warrior. Yet, you're still taken in by the same lies that school children cling to."
Iolas: "They're not lies. I have seen the good that Hercules can do. I've been there with him."
Xena: "Then you should know better than anyone that all Hercules is fighting for is to prove himself to Zeus and to get revenge on Hera for killing his family. He's selfish Iolas, selfish right to the bone."
Iolas: "I don't need to hear this."
Xena: "And I don't need to hear that Hercules should be here instead of you. I think you are a better man than he will ever be."

Xena: "There's part of Petraekas' legion."
Iolas: "What do you want to do?"
Xena: "I want to wipe them off the face of the earth!"

Xena: "Don't talk. Fight!"

Iolas: "The only warrior that I have seen who is as magnifiscent as you are is Hercules."
Xena: "I'm honored."

Xena: "I want you to show me that move you used when you knocked the sword out of that soldier's hand."
Iolas: "Even though I didn't kill him with it?"
Xena: "I can fix can you."

Xena: "Hard times breed hard people, Iolas. There's no avoiding that. My father was killed in battle, so were all three of my brothers. I won't be."

I will do more for you than that...
Xena: "You sound like your worried about me."
Iolas: "Well, I am. It's not everyday a beautiful woman wants to wash my back."
Xena: "Oh, I will do more for you than that, Iolas, much more."
...much more

Perhaps, he doesn't trust me with you
Iolas: "Hercules?"
Xena: "He must have followed us."
Iolas: "Why would he do that?"
Xena: "Perhaps, he doesn't trust me with you."
Iolas: "He shouldn't."
Xena: "Or, maybe he doesn't think you're man enough to help me."

Xena: "If he was really your friend, he wouldn't have tried to come here and interfere."
Iolas: "Well, I guess you're right, Xena...I've never been on a different side than Hercules before."
Xena: "You didn't let that stop you from standing up to him. You were a true warrior."
Iolas: "If I was anything less, you wouldn't want me here."
Xena: "You've turned out to be everything I thought Hercules would be. But, Hercules...I can be fierce and violent, Iolas, you've seen that for yourself. But, to hear Hercules say what he was like a dagger plunged through my heart."
Iolas: "I've ended my freindship with him."
Xena: "Then, you must be in pain too.
Iolas: "Not as long as I'm with you."

Xena: "He turns into a whimpering dog everytime I mention Hrecules."
Estragon: "Then he must die."
Xena: Not by your hands, Estragon, and not by mine. It's Hercules who must kill him."
Estragon: "But, Hercules is gone."
Xena: "Then it's our job to bring him back. That is, if you think you're brave enough to ride with me."

Xena: "A true warrior would realize that you demoralize and weaken before you destroy. When Hercules realzies that he's killed his best friend, he'll be ripe for the slaughter."

Petraekas: "That murdering harlot! She's a monster, just like the Hydra and the Nemean Lion and the Stymphalian Bird. You didn't walk away from fighting them, Hercules, and you can't walk away from fighting her."

Estragon: "Even the mighty Hercules should show more respect than that."
Hercules: "For what? A murderer, a crazy woman who's only purpose is to kill and conquer?"
Estragon: "You're dead!"
Hercules: "Not yet."

Hercules: "Is this what you do to all your warriors, Xena?"
Xena: "Only those who don't follow my code."

He tried to kill me
Iolas: "What happened?!"
Xena: "He killed Estragon, then he tried to kill me."
Iolas: "Who did?"
Xena: "Hercules."

Xena: "He caught us by surprise, Iolas. I thought I was going to die."
Iolas: "Ambushing people ... attacking women ... that doesn't sound like the Hercules I know. He must have gone crazy or something."
Xena: "You'd know he had if you saw what he did to Estragon."
Iolas: "Estragon shouldn't have been there with you. I should have."
Xena: "Then Hercules would have killed you."
Iolas: "You expect me to run away?"
Xena: "Other men would."
Iolas: "Other men couldn't love you the way I do."
Xena: "Do you mean that? Could you really put me in your life before Hercules?"
Iolas: "I did once. I'm not going to back down now, Xena."
Xena: "But, this time is different. You've got to know that."
Iolas: "If Hercules comes for you, I may have to ... kill him."
Xena: "Can you do that?"
Iolas: "Only for you."

Xena: "Iolas, I know you can defeat Hercules ... I know it in my soul ... You know the way Hercules fights ... You know all of his moves ... You know all of his tricks ... You know all of his weaknesses ..."

I don't care how quickly my little man dies
Xena: "The only one to do battle with Hercules when he arrives is Iolas. Do you understand? I don't care how quickly my little man dies and I don't care how painfully he does it. No one is to be out there until he is dead and Hercules is standing, staggered by the weight of what he has just done to his best friend. Then, and only then, do we move in to rid the world of the son of Zeus. Do I make myself clear? Good. And, not a word about this to Iolas. If he knew what a sacrifice he was going to make, he might have second thoughts."

Iolas: "Come on, let's get it over with."
Hercules: "I'm not going to kill you."
Iolas: "I was going to kill you."

You haven't heard the last of me
Hercules: "Aren't you going to say goodbye?"
Xena: "You haven't heard the last of me, Hercules!"

Herculean Episodes

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