The Quill Is Mightier ...

Aphrodite, due to Ares ever-manipulating self, enchants Gabrielle's scroll. Anything written on the parchment becomes reality. Ares and Aphrodite get a taste of mortality. Xena goes fishing. Aphrodite creates a stink. And, the world is blessed with three naked Gabrielles.

Aphrodite: "Delinquent losers. I have half a mind to hit you with ..."
Ares: "... a love bolt?"

Ares: "You know what you problem is?"
Aphrodite: "Duh. Your little Xena."
Ares: "Gabrielle, her friend. See, I only made the warrior, she made the legend. Have you read any of her so-called stories? A warrior who loves the common person. You'd think she was a goddess. Pretty soon, when people think of ‘love' they're going to think of Xena, not Aphrodite."
Aphrodite: "Xena?"
Ares: "Don't blame her. It's Gabrielle and her busy quill. That's your problem."

Would you like to be left alone with your scroll?
Gabrielle: "I love starting a new scroll ... the feel of it in your hands ... the look ... so clean ... so perfectly empty ... listen ... the way it crinkles the first time you open it...and that smell ... it's just a special untouched scent ... try."
Xena: "It smells like musty old leather to me."
Gabrielle: "To the non-creative person, perhaps."

Xena: "Don't you ever get tired of just writing down what I do? Why don't you create new characters, new images."
Gabrielle: "You mean fiction?"

Gabrielle: "‘Xena had gone fishing. The lone warrior, Gabrielle, awoke with a jerk as five barbarians rode out of the woods. Twirling her trusty staff she delivered kicks of such fury.' This fiction stuff can be really fun."

Abs of steel
Gabrielle: "Did you see that? Back flips! I don't do Back flips."
Joxer: "You have armor on under there?"
Gabrielle: "Where's Xena ... who were those ... what are you ... wait a minute ... 'Xena had gone ... the lone warrior, Gabrielle ... five barbarians ... she started twirling her staff delivering kicks of such fury ... deflected the thrust of a sword with her mighty abs' ... I wrote this!"

Gabrielle: "I can write anything ... and it comes true."

Joxer: "What'd you write to bring me here? Like ... um ... you know ... Gabrielle ... uh ... appears with a guy with a heart of a lion and the soul of a warrior, that kind of thing? Let's see, ‘Xena has gone fi ... fi ...' "
Gabrielle: "... fishing."
Joxer: "‘ Gabrielle awoke with a jerk.' Gabrielle awoke with a jerk? That's a funny phrase."

Gabrielle: "Stories can be anything we want them to be. Happy endings can truly happen, Joxer."

Aphrodite: "Did the little, blond girlie scare the big, hairy men?"
Barbarian Leader: "We are barbarians. We fear nothing. We fight with the heart of a lion."
Aphrodite: "And you run with the feet of a chicken."

Gabrielle: "See there, all the food is free and the drinks are on the ... I think I have to be more careful with my wording."

Gabrielle: "Do you realize that now that I know the power of the scroll I can end hunger. I can end disease. I can end ... I can end war. ‘The will of mortals won out' ... edit ... 'and War lost all its powers.' "
Ares: "My powers! What happened to my powers?! You! What have you done to me?"
Gabrielle: "Um ... it's not my fault ... um ... I can fix this ... uh ... 'the force that enchanted the scroll lost its powers.' "
Aphrodite: "Whoa, wipe out."

Ares: "You gave this blond harpy powers of destiny?"
Aphrodite: "No. I enchanted a scroll."

Ares: "I promise, if you give me my powers back I'll call off the attack."
Aphrodite: "Ha, pigs can fly?"
Ares: "You can."

Joxer: "Look, just write ‘everything is as it was before.'"
Aphrodite: "Then we'll all go back to our baby cribs and you'll go back under your rock. Did you write him here?"
Gabrielle: "Not exactly ... I ... "
Ares: "Ah, ‘Gabrielle awoke with a jerk.'"
Joxer: "I don't get it. What's so funny about waking up?"

Minya, Crazed Xena Fanatic and the Love Goddess
Minya: "You know, my boyfriend, Hower, he thinks that the Goddess of Love is just so beautiful and perfect. Wait ‘till he hears that your just as plain as the dirt on a wagon wheel, just like me."

Ares: "Those caves are gonna start getting pretty full."

Aphrodite: "Why won't it stay up? Basic hair care was not such a drag as a goddess."
Joxer: "I think it looks good on you."
Aphrodite: "Flattery works, keep going."

Ah Joxer, thanks for that one ... er ... three
Gabrielle: "You wrote on the scroll?!"
Joxer: "I was just writing a limerick to try and help cheer you up a little."
Gabrielle: " ‘A warrior, Joxer the Mighty, asked a boon from the god Aphrodite, and what a surprise, he saw with love's eyes three times ...' "
Joxer: "Had a little trouble there. Anyone know a word that end's in ‘ite'?"

Joxer: "Now, let's send those three (naked Gabrielle's) to the caves. We can do it in a minute ... or, now is good."

Gabrielle and Ares warming up to one another ... nah
Ares: "We were starting to warm up to each other there, weren't we?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah, we were."
Ares: "I didn't like it."
Gabrielle: "Right back at ya."

Joxer: "Wait. You guys smell something?"
Aphrodite: "Lay off of me, turkey."
Joxer: "No, no it's fish."
Aphrodite: "I'm new to this mortal hygiene thing."

Our gals are finally reunited
Xena: "Are you looking for this? I took it off a peddler who was being chased by barbarians, who was being chased by three naked Gabrielles and Minya."

Gabrielle: "Kind of messed it up, didn't I?"
Xena: "Pretty much. Did you write that limerick?"
Joxer: "I did!"
Xena: "Figures."

Gabrielle: "You know, I tried to get you back. I tried, ‘Xena returns to her number one friend,' and..."
Xena: "And you sent me to see a girl I haven't seen since I was five ... my first friend."

You have got to work on your penmanship
Ares: "What about, ‘Xena returns to the woman who brought her to a new life'?"
Xena: "Mom says thanks for the fish. I did head back once, but then I was overtaken with this irresistible urge to return to fishing. I figured that's where you wrote, ‘Xena returns from her journey' and then I knew that something was up. I had visited everyone who had ever meant anything to me ... well, except you."

Aphrodite: "Look I really hate to be the one to break up like a major love-fest, but look at me! I'm not built to be mortal. We have to put things back the way they were."
Joxer: "Yeah, and stop Thelonius from destroying the valley."
Aphrodite: "Whatever."

Xena: "All we have to do is write the truth. You have to write down everything I do, no embellishing, no poetic license, just exactly what you see, alright?"

Joxer: "What's wrong?"
Gabrielle: "I ... um ... I'm not really good at writing action."
Ares: "What? You follow Xena around all day. You write stories about her. How do you do this without writing action?"
Gabrielle: "You see, I use metaphors. I write, ‘Xena burst on the scene in a blaze of glory.' "
Joxer: "You do that and we'll be picking her up in a million pieces."

Minya: "You know, I expected more from the God of War. I mean, without his powers he's just another man ... just another, big ol' leather-clad ... well-muscled ... gorgeous ... hunk of bad boy ... man."

The End
Joxer: "Hey look, you've still got some extra space at the bottom of the scroll."
Gabrielle: "I guess that means there's still something left to write."
Xena: "How about, ‘the end.'"

DISCLAIMER: No naked Gabrielles were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

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