AmazonBon's Xena Disclaimers and Dialogue -- The Quest

The Quest

While taking Xena's body back to Amphipolis, Gabrielle takes a few moments to become the Amazon Queen. Meanwhile, Xena enlists a somewhat reluctant Autolycus to steal her shapely carcass from the Amazons. 1 Shapely body + 1 ounce of Ambrosia + some wishful thinking = 1 very alive Warrior Princess.

Gabrielle: "Every night I see it happen. Every morning I wish it were a dream."

Iolas: "I can't believe it."
Gabrielle: "She's gone. She just left me. How could she do that? She just left. I really want to hate her for it."
Iolas: "No, no you don't."
Gabrielle: "But, I miss her. There are so many things that I wish I could tell her."

Iolas: "What would you have told her?"
Gabrielle: "I would have told her how empty my life was before she came, and all the lessons I've learned, and that I love her."
Iolas: "Gabrielle, you just did."

Gabrielle: "A woman like that (Velasca) shouldn't rule the Amazons."
Ephiny: "She doesn't have to, Gabrielle, you still have the right of caste."

Ephiny: "Gabrielle, I'm saying this as someone who is your friend, Xena is dead. Let us give her a proper Amazon funeral. When her body is committed to the flames her soul will be released to soar, and maybe then you can ..."
Gabrielle: "Let her go."

Autolycus: (to bar keep) "Choose the one drink you wouldn't give to your worse enemy and give me a double."
Xena: "Autolycus, settle down. It's Xena. I'm here with you in your body."
Autolycus: "Oh that's ridiculous. Xena's ... dead. What would a dead woman want with me?"
Xena: "I need a favor from the King of Thieves. I want you to steal my dead body from the Amazons."

Autolycus: "Alright, now here are the rules: no messing with my limbs or bodily functions unless I say so, agreed?"
Xena: "Agreed."
Autolycus: "Okay."
Xena: "Now what?"
Autolycus: "Well, Nature's calling. How do you want to handle that?"

Gabrielle: "Xena, I'll always love you, but I know I have to let you go. I always thought of you as my home and when you left I ... I felt so lost. Maybe my new home is here."
Gabrielle: (to Ephiny) "Prepare the ceremonial pyre. Xena will have an Amazon funeral. I'll take her ashes to Amphipolis and I'll return ... to rule as Queen."

Gabrielle: "Xena, look, they made me Queen, me, the little girl you found in Potiedaia. It's time that I let you go. See, I have to find my own life, just as you were searching for your's. You know, there are two kinds of tears, tears for those who leave you, and tears for those you never let go. And, I won't say goodbye to you, Xena, because we'll be together again ... one day."

Autolycus: (to Xena) "Would you calm down, there's barely enough room up there for my paranoia."
Autolycus: "Gabrielle, Xena's inside me ... her mind, her soul, her essence, whatever. It's in here with me and she wants me to steal her body."
Xena: "Oh, that's so pathetic."
Gabrielle: "You're so pathetic."

Gabrielle: "Why? Why did you leave? There are so many things I want to say to you."
Xena: "Gabrielle, you don't have to say a word."
Gabrielle: "Xena, I can't lose you again."
Xena: "Gabrielle, I'll always be here."

Autolycus: "Well, I hope you two worked things out."
Gabrielle: "We did. Thank you, I mean that."
Autolycus: "Oh, certainly, whatever's necessary, I'm here for you both."
Gabrielle: "Autolycus?"
Autolycus: "Huh?"
Gabrielle: "Get your hand off my butt."

Velasca: "You're only alive because of the Ambrosia, you know that."
Autolycus: "I was hoping it was my witty repartee ... (whap!) ... maybe not."

Autolycus: "You see, there's just one small problem. If I don't tell you, you'll kill me. If I do tell you, you'll kill me anyway, become a god and terrorize the world. So, either way there's very little personal gain for me."
Velasca: "It's not whether you die, it's how you die. Let me tell you something about myself, I like pain. I like what it does to people. I like what it makes people do. And, I'm not bragging, I'm just explaining."

Velasca: "What is that?"
Autolycus: "Oh ... that must be my ... toe nail clippers or ..."
Velasca: "The Dagger of Helios."
Autolycus: "... the Dagger of Helios, one or the other."
Autolycus: "Well, in for a Dinar in for a kingdom, besides I have a little something to settle with that Amazonian bi... um, female."
Velasca: "I wasn't meant to be Queen, I was meant to be a god!"

Xena: "Yes?"
Autolycus: "Well, I'm just giving you your chance ... to thank me."
Xena: "I thought I already did, but if you need to hear it again, then thank you for helping to bring me back. If you ever need a favor, it's your's."
Autolycus: "Bringing you back? Oh no no no, I let you experience what it's like to be Autolycus. You were in there. You were controlling my bodily functions. That's not something I do for everyone."

Gabrielle: "Xena, promise me that you'll never die on me again."
Xena: "Oh, I promise."
Gabrielle: "You know, for a few moments I knew what it was like to be you."
Xena: "And?"
Gabrielle: "It was warm, friendly, loving ..."
Xena: "Gabrielle, it was a fight!"
Gabrielle: "I felt protected. The world needs people like that, right?"
Xena: "Right."

DISCLAIMER: Xena's body was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, it took Autolycus weeks to get his swagger back.