A Comedy of Eros

While defending the local Hestian chapter, Xena falls madly in love with Draco who falls for Gabrielle who falls for Joxer. Mass confusion reins and passions flare. And, another verse to the top 40 hit Joxer the Mighty is born.

Cupid: "Boy, the things we do for love."

Chaste? ... what's that?
Gabrielle: "Think of the faith it takes to be one of them (Hestian virgin)"
Xena: "Yeah, not to mention the other requirement."
Gabrielle: "Just between you and me, being chaste can be real hard."
Xena: "Chaste? I was talking about having to answer to that stupid bell your whole life."
Gabrielle: "That too."

Gabrielle: "Do you know what the hardest part about serving Hestia would be? Giving up the chance to fall in love again."
Xena: "Yeah, that'd be real hard."
Gabrielle: "Xena, we've both had our share of heart aches, but you can't give up on love."
Xena: "Who's giving up? All I'm saying is that it rarely turns out the way you expect."
Gabrielle: "Yes, so there's no guarantee. All I'm saying is that when it's right, love can be the most potent force in the world."
Xena: "Which is precisely why it should be avoided."

Who does one have to kill to get a greeting like that?
Xena: "Hello, Draco."
Draco: "Xena, long time."
Xena: "Too long."

Draco: "That was quite a welcome. What did I do to deserve that?"
Xena: "It's what you're not going to do that earned it and a lot more."

Joxer: "What is she doing?"
Gabrielle: "It's all part of her plan ... I hope."

Xena: "Come and get me!"

Xena: "You've picked up some new moves."
Draco: "I've had lots of practice."
Xena: "That sounds exhausting."
Draco: "On the contrary, it was ... refreshing."
Xena: "I can think of better ways to get refreshed."

Gabrielle: "What's wrong with you?"
Xena: "Nothing that a good workout won't cure."
Joxer: "Hey ... uh ... try the lake. A cold swim usually helps ... so I've been told."
Gabrielle: "You're hot for Draco?!"
Xena: "Don't be ridiculous. I'm merely responding to that dark part of me that has a weakness for bad boys."

Gabrielle: "Did you see the way she fought him? She never pressed one advantage."
Joxer: "So, what do you think that means?"
Gabrielle: "Trouble."

Xena: "With me, profit's not always measured in gold"

Xena, Hestian Virgin ... not
Draco: (to Xena who is disguised as a Hestian Virgin) "And I thought I was being sacrilegious."

Draco: "You are as good as ever, aren't you, Xena?"
Xena: "Better."

Draco: "By the gods, you have gotten better."
Xena: "Ah ... so have you. I'd say we were pretty well matched."
Draco: "I've been trying to tell you that for years. What took you so long?"
Xena: "If I'd known it'd been like this, I wouldn't have."
By the gods, you have gotten better.

Gabrielle: "Come on, Joxer ... please ... just one more time."
Joxer: "You really love it, don't ya?"
Gabrielle: "I love it. The more I practice, the better I'll get."
Joxer: "Well, I'm up for it. Except this time, let's do it together, okay?"

Joxer and Gabby:
"Joxer the Mighty, he roams through the countryside.
He never needs a place to hide
with Gabby as his sidekick,
fighting with her little stick,
righting wrongs and singing songs,
being mighty all day long,
he's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty."

Draco: "Oh, you're good, you're very good."
Xena: "I have many skills."
Draco: "There's one we've left to try."

Gabrielle: "What are you doing?"
Xena: "Hard to believe, but Joxer's advice about a cold swim, I'm taking it."
Gabrielle: "That's not hard to believe. No no, Joxer's full of good ideas."
Xena: "No, I said Joxer."
Gabrielle: "I know, he's teaching me that wonderful song of his ..."
Xena: "Gabrielle, what's going on? You barely tolerate Joxer."
Gabrielle: "That was before."
Xena: "Before what?"
Gabrielle: "Before I realized ... I love him."
Xena: "What?!"
Gabrielle: "I know, it shocked me too, to see how blind I'd been. But, maybe that's what love is, it's blind. I should write that down."
Xena: "No, Gabrielle, this is crazy. You can't be in love with Joxer. He's ... well, he's Joxer."
Gabrielle: "Are you talking about my man? Like Draco is such a prize? Xena, I would rather be in love with Joxer than a blood thirsty warlord like Draco.""
Xena: "Draco's not like that."

A little what, I wonder
Xena: (to a now smitten Draco) "Wait, something's going on here. You can't want Gabrielle. Between you and me, she's a little ..."

Xena: "This love stuff is a real pain."

Draco: "What did I say, hard as a rock."
Gabrielle: "Like your head."
Draco: "What did you say?"
Gabrielle: "I was agreeing with you, like you said."

Xena: "So what's the big picture here? What's going on?"
Joxer: "I don't know ... Love ... Chaos ... Aphrodite."
Xena: "Yeah, that's what I thought and first, but there's no vanity in it. It seems so haphazard ... like some child's game."

Xena: (to and unconscious Draco) "I'm sorry, sweetie, that hurt me a lot more than it hurt you. Sweetie? Did I say ‘sweetie'? I've never used that word in my life before ... oh, but he's so cute."

Xena: "Aint love a bitch."

Draco: "Give me the girls and Gabrielle or I will torch the place and everyone inside it."
Xena: "You would kill the woman you love?"
Draco: "The question is, would you?"

Xena: "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to hit a man when he's down?"

Xena: "These feelings that we're having, the gods know they seem real, but they're not."

Xena: (to an enraged and impassioned Draco) "You're right, you can't change the one you love. So wise up. Gabrielle could never love someone who lives off hurting others. You can't change her, so if you want to win her love, you better change yourself."

I was a little tied up
Xena: "It's about time you clipped his (Eros) wings."
Cupid: "Yeah, well, I was a little tied up."

Gabrielle: "I never knew love could be so exhausting."
Xena: "Yeah, but worth the work."
Gabrielle: "Xena, do I hear a touch of romance on your voice?"
Xena: "Not if I hear a touch of the ‘I told you so' in yours."

DISCLAIMER: No Cherries were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

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