The Dirty Half Dozen

Ares, in keeping with his divinely devilish nature, steals the metal of the Hephaestus. His objective? General mayhem and destruction. Who could Xena possibly find to help her with this one? Hercules? No. Sinbad? Nope. Ulysses? Definitely not. How about a band of cut-throats, thieves & murderers from her deep, dark past? Sure, why not?

Ares: "It's time for the new generation to lead the old out of darkness."

Darnelle: "Whoa! There was a lady in here?"
Glaphyra: "I'm no lady."

Xena: "Sorry, gentlemen, this is a private party."

Xena: "We don't have time for chit-chatting or reminiscing, so I'll do the introductions. Monlik, here, is a Master Thief, taught Autolycus a thing or two. Darnelle I found in a small village and trained him up to be a gladiator. He was an unbeatable killer."
Darnelle: "Your training was good, but my talent was a gift."
Xena: "And Walsim, Walsim was the finest assassin I ever trained. He partnered with Thirsites for a while."
Walsim: "You introduced me to him. I hear you off-ed him."
Xena: "Glaphyra, Glaphyra when I met her was eager to see the world. She ended up a slaver, selling men to traders in the South."
Gabrielle: "Just men?"
Glaphyra: "I specialize."

Glaphyra: "They're all like that. Swords, shields, armor cut right through. What could do this?"
Xena: "We're about to find out."

Darnelle: "Where'd you learn that? (A particularly impressive battle move)"
Gabrielle: "I'm a princess ..."

Ares: "There's a fire in you that I really like, but don't be too much in a hurry ..."
Agathon: "Yeah, yeah, I'm not like Callisto. I can pace myself ... Whoa, nice ‘ceps. Do you work out or are all you gods cut?"
Ares: "You have something else to deal with ... Xena, and she's on her way."
Agathon: "Xena? The former Number One Ares' Femme. The owner of the chakram."
Ares: "Others have made the mistake of underestimating her."
Agathon: "No no no, War God, nobody underestimates Xena. They underestimate you. You've got a hot spot for the killer babe and when push comes to shove you follow your lower instincts, know what I mean?"
Ares: "You are smarter than you look and you're not frightened of me. It's annoying, but it sets you apart from the others I've dealt with."
Agathon: "Except Xena, she didn't cut you any slack either. Whatever, I need your word or whatever binds you god-types."
Ares: "Xena's time with me has ended. I won't interfere."
Agathon: "Good, ‘cause I'm gonna kill her."

Xena and Gabrielle have a 'heart-to-heart'
Xena: "It is going to be a long night. I'm going to have to stay up and keep an eye on them."
Gabrielle: "You think they might run?"
Xena: "That and their habit of killing people."

Gabrielle: "Can I ask you something? These people, all of them, were they murders before you met them? I mean, it seems like maybe they ..."
Xena: "Gabrielle, it was me. I changed them. Before they met me they were ..."
Gabrielle: "Like me, real people, maybe even good people. Walsim, I could see him as a farmer at one time."
Xena: "He was a carpenter."
Gabrielle: "I wonder what would have happened if I had met you before, before ... you know."
Xena: "Gabrielle, I could never see you as being evil. There is a difference between them and you."
Gabrielle: "What difference? Xena, I have changed so much since I met you. I wonder how much of that is timing."
Xena: "Does it really matter?"
Gabrielle: "Am I really who I am, or am I who you made me?"

Gabrielle: "Murderers guarding murderers. It was a good idea."

Gabby makes a surprising discovery
Gabrielle: "Ah, another day. Rise and shine! Hm, I guess I am a morning person."

Walsim: (to Gabrielle) "I know why I'm here and I know why they're here, but why are you here? Emergency food?"

Gabrielle: "I don't think I have ever been part of a true disaster before."
Xena: "You are such a cynic"

Glaphyra: "Boys and their toys."
Darnelle: "I'll take that as a compliment. This is essential equipment."
Glaphyra: "To your ego, and a spear no less. Could you be a bit more obvious?"
Darnelle: "Actually, it's a javelin. Now do I sense more than just a little anger towards me because I'm a man?"
Glaphyra: "Why not? Men are all the same. They use you, they betray you, than they spit you out. They're only as good as what you can get out of them."
Darnelle: "Oh, as opposed to the sweet, ungrateful creatures of the earth that women are. We protect them. We feed them. We clothe them. We give them a purpose for being. And this is the gratitude?"
Glaphyra: "You were born of a woman."
Darnelle: "I was born of a man. I was delivered by a woman."

Glaphyra: "Men are so easy."

Xena: "I'm giving you your chance."
Monlik: "To do what? Become like you, roam around the countryside helping people, dragging around a half-starved kid pretending she's a friend? Well, I don't think so."

Darnelle: (in keen observation of Monlik hanging from a tree by an axe, a really large axe) "That's got to be uncomfortable."

Xena: "It's about time you showed up."
Ares: "What is it about me? You always seem to know when I'm around. I must have a certain ... um ... presence around you."
Xena: "You say presence, I say stench."
Ares: "Ow, score 1 for the Warrior Princess."

Ares: "Agathon is brash, obnoxious, disrespectful, and very smart ... much like the young Xena I took under my wing."
Xena: "That can't be good for you. I wasn't the easiest warrior you ever dealt with."
Ares: "No, you never let me get away with anything. You had the nerve to question me and you never took what I said at face value."
Xena: "Funny that."

Ares: "Give this up, Xena. I'm not going to make any deals this time. I promised Agathon I would not interfere. If you attack, he's going to kill you."

Walsim: "Sorry, Xena. You offered freedom. Agathon offered cash."

Glaphyra: "I thought Darnelle might have been different. I should've known."
Gabrielle: "Different? You mean from all the other cut-throats, thieves and murderers?"
Glaphyra: "No, little girl. Check the arrangement. Do you see any men in this cell?"
Gabrielle: "I'm not a little girl, and I have met some good men. I married one."
Glaphyra: "Yeah, and how long was he ‘good'? I notice he's not with you now. Maybe he lost interest, or maybe he decided to find another conquest."
Gabrielle: (shows some serious gusto) "Maybe he was murdered."
Xena: "By Callisto, a woman."
Gabrielle makes a point

Glaphyra: "She hasn't seen much of the world, has she?"
Xena: "Gabrielle's been through more than you think ... yes, more than you. And despite everything, she doesn't carry hatred towards others. Good people don't."
Glaphyra: "And the Bad people?"
Xena: "The Bad people are us, Glaphyra, who I was, who you are. You know, you are so quick to blame every thing on men you have never once looked inside yourself for the answers. It's something that I had to learn. Gabrielle is a good teacher. Who knows, if I had met her back when I met you, maybe it'd be me who changed."

Darnelle: "Hey, that's not how a princess fights."
Gabrielle: "Amazon princess."

Xena: "Intervening directly, Ares? That's not your style. I thought Agathon was supposed to be your ultimate warrior?"
Agathon: "You got it, and your blood is going to prove it."

Xena: "How about it, Ares? You don't want second best to rule your empire? If you have to bail him out now, he's just not the right one."
Agathon: "Don't listen to her garbage. You know I'm the right one. I don't have to prove anything."
Ares: "Agathon, I gave you my word that I wouldn't interfere. This is between you two."
Agathon: "That's just fine with me, War God. I don't need your help. Just don't get in the way."

Go ahead ...
Need I say who won?
... make my day

Xena: "If you wan to go back to the way you were, it's your choice."
Darnelle: "Yeah, but at least we have a choice. I'm not going to say that I'm going the ‘straight & narrow' but I've got some thinking to do."

Glaphyra: "Look after Xena, okay?"
Gabrielle: "I will."
Darnelle: "See you later, Princess."

Darnelle: "So, I'm heading East. What about you?"
Glaphyra: "Seems like as good a direction as any. I think I can put up with the company ... for a while."
Darnelle: "Don't go falling in love with me now."
Glaphyra: "I'd sooner fall for a toad."
Darnelle: "Well, it's a start."

Gabrielle: "You started off with four and redeemed two. All things considered, it's not bad odds."

Xena: "I've got an answer to that question. Are you who you are or are you who I made you?"
Gabrielle: "And?"
Xena: "You're Gabrielle, Bard, Amazon Princess, Best Friend. Nobody made you who you are. It was already there. The question is who would I be without you?"
Gabrielle: "I can answer that. You'd still be heroic Xena. You were on that path when we met."
Xena: "Are you crazy? Without you to keep me on the ‘straight & narrow'?"
Gabrielle: "You'd have managed."
Xena: "Hey!"
Gabrielle: "Just not as well."

DISCLAIMER: No Convicts were reformed during the production of this motion picture. Can't we all just get along?

Season 3 Episodes

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