Is There A Doctor In the House?

Xena, Gabrielle and a very pregnant Ephiny get stuck in the middle of the Thessalian/Mitoan war. It's ER meets Classical Greece. Xena performs a tracheotomy, amputates a leg, delivers a Cesarian born Centaur, invents CPR while experiencing a complete emotional breakdown, inspires the Hippocratic Oath, and stops a war. Can you say "overachiever"?

Gabrielle: "Maybe we should take the southern route."
Xena: "This is the shortest way to Athens."
Gabrielle: "Yes, I know, but there's a war going on. This is senseless."
Xena: "This one is more senseless than most. It's a civil war, brother against brother. It's Ares favorite kind of conflict."
Gabrielle: "Why would they want to fight over this area? There doesn't seem to be much here."
Xena: "Same reason we're here. This forest is the only way between Thessaly and Mitoa. Whoever controls it, controls ..."

I did not mean that as a challenge
Gabrielle: "I can't bear to think of all the innocents who suffered from this madness. Someone has to stop it. C'mon, Xena, even you can't stop an entire war. Alright, look, I did not mean that as a challenge."
Xena: "Stay here with Ephiny."
Gabrielle: "Wait. What are you going to do?"
Xena: "I'm gonna find a safe place for Ephiny to have her baby, and then I'm gonna stop this war."
Gabrielle: "I have got to learn to keep my mouth shut."

Xena: "Ephiny, I know that Phantes is gone, but what you and he created is within you ready to come out into the world. You have to go on."
Gabrielle: "You're not alone. Your friends and your family are here with you."
Ephiny: "Family?"
Gabrielle: "Hey, I'm your sister Amazon, remember?"

Xena: (to Galen) "The gods don't care if these men live or die."

Galen: "Am I supposed to believe that some harlot knows more about healing than the priest of Asclepius?"

Xena: "You need to separate out the ones that can be saved from the ones that can't."
Hippocrates: "How can we be sure?"
Xena: "You need to choose."
Hippocrates: "I don't know if I can do that."
Xena: "You have to, lives depend on it."

Gabrielle: "The true secret of life is to find peace in yourself and to share it with the world."
Marmax: "That's a pretty story, too bad it has nothing to do with real life."
Gabrielle: "Life is only what you make of it."

Xena: (to Galen) "You don't heal. You sit and wait for some god to help out when he feels like it."

Marmax: "She's a lovely young woman."
Xena: "Yes, she is."
Marmax: "She shouldn't be here. Why would you bring her into a war zone?"

Xena making a few points
Marmax: "We're securing our freedom from these butchers."
Xena: "You're beyond securing your freedom. You crossed that line when this became a blood bath. We passed a Thessalian village on the way here."
Marmax: "It was a supply base for their army. It was necessary to neutralize it."
Xena: "Neutralize it?! There wasn't a living thing in sight ... not man ... nor woman ... nor child. Who's the butcher now, Marmax?"

Democritus: "When a man's in pain, his soul needs healing just like his body."

Ephiny: "Phantes was once my sworn enemy, and I learned forgiveness, and from that I learned love."

Marmax: "Are you telling me that she'd rather die than take the life of a man she doesn't even know?"
Xena: "Gabrielle lives by her own code. That code does not involve killing."
Marmax: "I said it before, a girl like that should not be brought into a war zone."

Xena: "They'll destroy anything at this point. They smell victory."

My pride may have killed my best friend
Xena: "Gabrielle, hey, you know, if I could do it all over again, I'd take the southern route. I'm so sorry."
Marmax: "She will pull through."
Xena: "You were right, I shouldn't have brought her here."
Marmax: "I guess we all make mistakes."
Xena: "My pride may have killed my best friend."

Soldier: "But sir, we're winning."
Marmax: "Both sides have already lost."

Hippocrates: "She's dead."
Xena: "She's not dead. I wouldn't let her. C'mon, Gabrielle, wake up ... C'mon, wake up ... C'mon, wake up ... you're scaring me, wake up ... wake up ... Gabrielle, breathe ... C'mon ... C'mon, breath ... maybe she just needs air ... we need to get air into her lungs ... C'mon, breathe!"
Hippocrates: "Xena, stop it. She's dead now. She's in a much better place."
Xena: "Get out of my way! You don't know anything! Don't you listen to him, Gabrielle ... C'mon, I know you're in there, prove it ... you can show them ... C'mon, wake up and breath ... you never ran from anything in your whole life ... C'mon, fight!"
Marmax: "Xena."
Xena: "Fight!"
Marmax: "Xena! It's time to stop now. Let her cross over peacefully."
Xena: "What do you know, you've killed so many."
Marmax: "So have you. Let it go."
Xena: "No ... no ... C'mon, Gabrielle ... C'mon ... C'mon, don't leave me ... Don't you leave me ... Don't leave me ... Don't leave me ... Wake up ... Wake up ... Wake up ..."

Marmax: "Thank you, Xena. You and your friend have been an inspiration to me. Tell Gabrielle that I did find that peace within me and I plan to share it."

I couldn't do it without you
Gabrielle: "I wanted to thank you for saving my life ... again. You always seem to be doing that."
Xena: "It was your decision to come back."
Gabrielle: "Well, how could I leave you when we have so many wars to stop and despots to foil. You're gonna need my help."
Xena: "I couldn't do it without you."

DISCALIMER: Being that war is hell, lots of people were harmed during the production of this motion picture (but since television is a dramatic medium of make-believe, all casualties removed their prosthetic make-up and went home unscathed).

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