Been There, Done That

It's "Romeo & Juliet" meets "Ground Hog Day." Xena & the gang meander into a town where the day keeps repeating itself. One small problem, only Xena experiences the day over and over and over again. Alas, all's well that end's well (wait, that's a different Shakespeare play) and our hero finally sets the time-space continuum back into place.


Joxer: "Rise and shine, everyone, rise and shine!"
Gabrielle: "I'll rise, but I refuse to shine."
Joxer: "Well, I got us breakfast ... goose eggs ... OOF!"
Stable Boy: "Sweet Eqestra! I hope I didn't hit anything."
Gabrielle: "Hmpf ... nothing important."

Xena consoles Gabrielle
Xena: "Gabrielle, Joxer died a hero, just like he always wanted. There's no blame here."

Xena: "Sleep now, It'll hurt less in the morning."


Joxer: "Rise and shine, everyone, rise and shine!"
Xena: "Joxer?! Joxer, you should be dead."
Joxer: "True, a man like me should have died a thousand times if not for my prodigious skill and nerves of steel."
Xena: "C'mere, you ... (Xena administers one hell of a noogie) ... I had the strangest dream last night."

Gabrielle: "‘Rise and shine.' Yeah yeah, I'll rise, but I refuse to shine."
Joxer: "Well, I got us all breakfast ... goose eggs."
Xena: "Step back."
Joxer: "Hey, you don't have to eat them ... oof!"
Stable Boy: "Sweet Eqestra! I hope I didn't hit anything."
Gabrielle: "Hmpf ... nothing important."
Xena: "That was no dream."
Rise and shine, everyone, rise and shine!

Joxer: "Well, as you know, Xena, we warriors always have Second Sight. We always know when something's about to ... oof!"

Gabrielle: "Xena, you're saying that I forgot everything that happened yesterday?"
Xena: "You didn't just forget, it never happened to you."
Gabrielle: "Well, if it never happened, then what's there to forget?"
Xena: "Today."
Gabrielle: "But today hasn't happened yet."
Xena: "Well, it happened to me."
Gabrielle: "Yesterday?"
Xena: "No, the other today."
Gabrielle: "So you're saying that today is actually yesterday for you, but for us, you're saying that today is today because we can't remember that yesterday was today, right?"
Xena: "Right."
Gabrielle: "I don't get it."

Joxer: "Wait a minute, what if, like, none of this really is happening and we're inside someone else's head and they're just making us up?"

Xena recounts Joxer's previous demise
Xena: "You don't even remember Joxer's death? The sword plunged through his heart. His chest covered with blood. His eyes staring blankly up at the sky. We had a funeral for him. You cried over him."
Joxer: "You cried over me?"

Joxer: "Do you guys honestly think I'd be stupid enough to step in between two guys with swords?"
Xena & Gabrielle: "Yes."

Xena: "Son of a Bacchae!"

Xena: "Now, go home, all of you, until you can learn to play nice."

Gabrielle: "That was amazing. It was exactly like you said ... the swords ... the duel ... only you had a second chance to save Joxer."
Joxer: "Please, I had the situation completely under control."
Xena: "Joxer may still be alive, but someone else is dead, and there are a whole lot of people in this village who consider us the enemy."

Stable Boy: "I wouldn't tell them which one was yours, so they killed them all."
Xena: "Argo?"

Joxer: "Xena, if this day really did happen again just so you could save me, then in a way, Argo's death is my fault."
Xena: "You didn't kill Argo."


Xena: "Argo!"

Joxer: "Rise and shine, everyone, rise and shine!"
Gabrielle: "I'll rise, but I refuse to shine."
Xena: "Joxer, move."
Joxer: "Why?"
Xena: "Just move."
Joxer: "Why?"
Xena: "Forget it don't move."
Stable Boy: "Sweet Eqestra! I ...."
Xena: "... hope I didn't hit anything."

Gabrielle: "Poisoned dart."
Xena: "It's not me, I'm fine. The day is repeating itself."
Gabrielle: "Right, I hate it when that happens."
Xena: "I'm telling you, this village is on the verge of an all out blood bath and something that happens, something that only I can control, causes it."
Gabrielle: "Xena, what makes you think that it's all up to you?"
Xena: "Because I am the only one who can seem to remember it!"

Joxer: "Let's assume you're right for a moment about the feud. Well, there's an easy way to end it. The enemy of my enemy is my friend ... if they had a common enemy they'd have to work together."
Gabrielle: "And who might that enemy be, huh?"
Joxer: "We are. Look, we declare our hatred of both houses. Then when they get together to kill us, we throw down our weapons and get them to join us in peace."
Gabrielle: "Hmpf."
Joxer: "Oh, come on! It's a great plan. I know a lot of people who have bonded over their mutual hatred for me ... you two for example."
Gabrielle: "He's got a point."
Xena and Gabrielle looking less than convinced

Xena: "The best time to stop a fight is before it starts. I just need to break this cycle somehow."

Xena: "Casca? I have to find out more about this Casca and save him. Then, these guys will have no reason to go after one another. No fight means no duel means no blood bath which means the day no longer has to repeat itself ... yeah."


Joxer: "Rise and shine, everyone, rise and shine!"

Gabrielle: "Xena, every morning you wake up back in the stables."
Xena: "That's right."
Joxer: "Well, what if you stayed awake all night? I mean, I could stay up with you and even sing to you, like, go to sleep Xe-ena, the day is ..."
Xena: "Joxer, I have tried that. Thank you, Joxer, I have tried everything and I still wake up in the stable and it's still today."

Is that a hickey?
Gabrielle: "Xena, that doesn't make sense. Who ..."
Xena: "It's not the Fates. It's not Ares. It's nothing I ate. I have no poisoned dart marks. I have no Bacchae bites."
Joxer: "Is that a hickey?"

Xena: "This feud is worse than I thought. These guys will fight about anything."

Xena: "Gabrielle ... it'll be alright, Joxer, it will. It has to be."


Group hug ... Joxer, you're not invited
Joxer: "Rise ... Group hug!"
Gabrielle: "Get off me, Joxer."
Xena: "That's it, Joxer, get off ... get."

Xena: "Everyday the rooster crows, Joxer walks in, the horseshoe falls, I save the old man, stop a duel and then the whole thing starts all over again."
Joxer: "Maybe it's the rooster."



Joxer: "But, I don't know why we have to stay here."
Xena: "Because I'm telling you to."
Gabrielle: "Joxer, sometimes it's just best to do what Xena says. She'll explain later. You will explain, right?"
Joxer: "I'm not staying anywhere unless I know why. I'm a man of many skills you know."
Xena: "Joxer, you're staying here because I need you to stay here."
Joxer: "Oh, I get it. I'm a diversion, a decoy. Wait a minute, wouldn't it be better if I was over on the other side of the court?"
Xena: "Gabrielle, did you know that Joxer simply adores you?"
Gabrielle: "Huh?"
Joxer: "Could I speak with you privately?"
Xena: "He'd crawl fifty miles on broken glass just to sweat in your shadow."
Joxer: "Ixnay on the ovelay alktay."
Xena: "Oh yeah, he worships you like a goddess, right Joxer? ... Stay here."

Joxer: "Wow, she has really lost it."
Gabrielle: "Completely."


Gabrielle: "Xena, there's another fight across the square."
Xena: "I stop one fight and another one starts. It's a lot easier to start a feud than to end one."
Gabrielle: "I don't get it. They worship the same gods, suffer the same hardships. I wish we had time to remind them."
Xena: "I have all the time in the world."

Xena: "Nightsbane, pretty lethal stuff."

Joxer: "You know, the enemy of my enemy is often considered my friend."
Xena: "Joxer ... go ahead."
Joxer: "Really?"
Xena: "Go ahead."
Joxer: "Yeah, but you don't even know ... I knew this would happen some day, you and me on the same wavelength. Two great minds, one thought."
Gabrielle: "Only half a wit."

Joxer being ... well ... Joxer
Joxer: "Hear me, cowards! I ... we are your true enemies. We spit on your houses ... pituy! We curse your names. We laugh at your ancestors ... ha ha ha. (to the girls) Now's where they bond." (I don't think so)


As Gabrielle tries to extract Xena's chakram from Joxer's chest one has to wonder ... what took you so damn long!
Joxer: "Rise and shine, everyone, rise and shine!"
Xena: "Hya! (the chakram flies)"
Gabrielle: "You .... you killed him?!"


Xena: "So you treated both houses."
Apothecary: "Treated, cured and buried. I'm a closest thing to a doctor they had. What was it you wanted?"
Xena: "Nightsbane."
Apothecary: "Might help if I labeled them ... then again, I can't read."

Apothecary: "Ya know ... the ... um ... um ..."
Xena: "Nightsbane?"
Apothecary: "Nightsbane, yeah, it's missing."
Xena: "Are you sure you didn't sell it?"
Apothecary: "A sale like that I would not forget. It's lethal, you know."
Xena: "Really?"
Apothecary: "Yeah, one sip of it and the next day you're on a one way trip to Tartarus."
Xena: "So, anyone drop dead lately?"

Xena: "It must be hard to be a midwife in a town that teaches kids to hate right from birth."
Altara: "It's not easy, that's for sure. I've been bringing Menos babies into the world now for more than forty years."
Xena: "Must have some stories, huh?"


Xena: "Rise and shine, everybody, rise and shine!"

Gabrielle: "We've repeated the day that many times?"
Xena: "Yes."
Gabrielle: "But, I ..."
Xena: "No. No. Yes. No. I tried that. Yes, both ways. No, I don't know. No, again. Are there any questions? Good."

Xena: "Put your swords up it is time to talk peace."

Lord Menos: "How do you know so much about us? Are you an oracle?"
Xena: "No, just someone with a lot of time on her hands."

Gabrielle: "Congratulations, Xena. You just saved two lives. You stopped three duels. You made peace between life-long enemies. It seems like you changed everything that needs changing, right? I bet this will stop the day from repeating."


Xena: "AAAUUGGGGHHHHH! Yafrigginraxinfraxincockin...!"

Xena: "First day, everything seems normal, well, excepting that Joxer gets killed. And the next day, I fix that and then Argo gets killed. On the third day, I know that there is something I'm supposed to do and it is tied to this blood feud. So, I find out all about the old man getting hit by the cart and I save him, but the fighting breaks out anyway and Gabrielle gets killed. So somehow I am supposed to save the old man, stop everyone else from getting killed and make peace between the two houses. It's too much. So I find out every stinky thing there is to know about these people, save the old man, stop the fighting, and then use the information I've got to make peace between the two houses, and still ... it isn't enough! I'm missing something. I'm missing something small ... I think I know what it is. Thanks, I just needed to say that out loud."

Xena: "Hey, give me that vile ... it's Nightsbane. When did you take it?"
Hermia: "Just after sunrise."
Xena: "So you're the one who's been causing all this trouble."
Neron: "No, it's not her, it's me, and there's nothing you can do. Her house is at the north end of town and the stables you're in are at the south. So, no matter how fast you run ..."
Xena: "I'll never get there in time to stop her."

Xena: "I still don't understand why she took the poison in the first place."
Neron: "Because we're in love, only since our families hate each other, her father was going to make her marry someone else."
Xena: "So she decided to kill herself."
Neron: "I had plans for us to elope, but when I told her about them, she began to cry."
Xena: "She had already taken the Nightsbane?"
Neron: "When the day was over, I couldn't face the thought of life without her. So I prayed to Cupid for help. Hermia must die tomorrow, he said, but because my love for her was true, he granted me one wish."
Xena: "Let me guess, your wish was that tomorrow would never come."
Neron: "Yes. The day will repeat, he said, until a hero will come who can fix everything, save Hermia and end this pointless feud."
Xena: "So when you saw me in the village why didn't you ask me for help?"
Neron: "Well, frankly, I was expecting Hercules ... or at lest Sinbad. Besides, I'm not allowed to interfere."
Xena: "So now I've got to save Casca, stop this duel and keep Hermia from taking the poison right after the rooster crows."
Neron: "It's impossible. No matter how fast you run, there isn't enough time."
Xena: "We'll see."

Xena: "Well, we better get some rest. Today is going to be a very busy day tomorrow ... small joke."


Joxer: "Rise and shine, everyone, rise and ... oof!"

Xena sets her sights ...
Gabrielle: "Xena, you have to stop this."
Xena: "Been there, done that, didn't work."
Gabrielle: "Xena?!"
Xena: "I'm real busy here, go play with Joxer."
Joxer: "Don't worry, she's gone but you can still be my sidekick."
 ... and plans her trajectory

Xena: "Thanks (snatches Gabby's staff)."
Gabrielle: "Hey!"
Xena: "I'll give it right back."
Gabrielle: "Xena, I could really use that staff!"
Xena: "That ought to do it. Gabrielle ... sorry."
Gabrielle: (kicks some proverbial butt)
Xena: "Good girl."


Xena: "Morning, Joxer."
Joxer: "Uggh ..."

The chakram flies ...

Neron: "Now, can you make peace between out two houses?"
Xena: "Just try and stop me."

Neron: "Xena, thank you. Now we can all look forward to tomorrow."


Joxer: "Rise and shine, everyone, rise and shine!"
Gabrielle: "I'll rise, but I refuse to shine."
Joxer: "Well, I got us breakfast ... turnips!"
Xena: "Turnips? Did you say turnips?!"
Joxer: "Now there's a woman who really likes her vegetables."

Seize the day?  Hmm ... I think Xena's thinking about seizing something else
Gabrielle: "Xena, are you alright? Alright, what's going on?"
Xena: "Life, Gabrielle, life! Life is going on at last. Gabrielle, you've got to ... um ... seize the day, ‘cuz who knows, tomorrow may never come."

DISCLAIMER: The rooster was not harmed during the production of this motion picture, although his feathers were severely ruffled. However, a little gel and mousse straightened out the mess.

Season 3 Episodes

Home Page