Altared States

In which the producers begin the ever reoccurring "nude heroines in water" and "fish" themes (sub-text chip may be required). Xena and Gabrielle try to stop the sacrifice of a young boy while being introduced to a new religious concept, monotheism. The girls go ... um ... fishing. Gabrielle gets high. And, all is made right with the world (well, until next week).

The cat who just ate the mouse
Gabrielle: "How was that?"
Xena: "Very good. You're getting the hang of it."
Gabrielle: "Really?"
Xena: "Come on, Gabrielle, You've been wanting to do this for ages. Just reach under this rock. Give it your best shot."

What dreams are made of ... wet dreams, that is
Xena: "Didn't your mother ever teach you it's rude to stare?"

Maell: "I don't know who ... or what you are, but this business is none of yours."
Xena: "My name is Xena, and the way I see it, half a dozen men going after one small, defenseless boy kinda makes it my business. Call it my maternal instinct."

Maell: "These are new times, they demand new ways."
Anteus: "To follow a path of peace is new. We teach by example, not by force."
Maell: "But, when the truth can help so many, surely we are honor bound to spread it in the most aggressive way we can."
Xena: "One that includes killing children?"

Xena: "So, this all-powerful deity, he told you to kill an innocent boy ... and I thought Ares was cold."

Maell: "He (Anteus) doesn't see Xena for what she truly is ... a trial sent to us by the All-Mighty to test our resolve. Can you doubt it? All you have to do is look at her to see she's unnatural, an affront to God. A woman with the strength of ten men out in the world alone, save her scrawny, little companion. It's a complete abomination!"

Xena: "You alright?"
Gabrielle: "I'm great. I can't see, but I'm good."
Xena: "Try using both eyes."
Gabrielle: "Oh, yeah, that's better."
Xena: "Think you can stand?"
Gabrielle: "You mean I'm not?"
Xena: "C'mon ... there ya go."
Gabrielle:"By the gods ... you are beautiful."
Xena: "And you are drugged ... with henbane if I'm not mistaken, so the effects should be temporary. But, we've got to get you ... walking ... come back here ... Gabrielle ... I need you to concentrate."
Gabrielle: "Okay, yeah, but I think this is a big waste of time because I have been walking since I was one."
Xena: "This is not about walking, Gabrielle, it's about Icus. You do remember Icus, don't you?"
Gabrielle: "Of course I remember Icus."
Xena: "Good. Do you know where he is?"
Gabrielle: "Where?"
Xena: "No, I'm asking you."
I'm great.  I can't see, but I'm good

Try using both eyes

Gabrielle: "What are we waiting for? Let's go! The rest of you follow me."
Xena: "Hold it."
Gabrielle: "At ease. Yeah?"
Xena: "I've got a better idea. I'll go and get Icus while you and the ... others try to ... um ..."
Gabrielle: "... work on our song? Just between you and me, the altos are slightly flat."
Xena: "Perfect. Gabrielle, don't let anyone leave the cave, understand? Stay here and wait for me to get back. Have I made myself clear?"
Gabrielle: "No. You're a little fuzzy around the edges, so you keep trying, you'll get there."

Xena: "And I thought our gods were harsh."

Xena: "We'll stop and rest for a while, no sense in killing ourselves ... so to speak."

Anteus: "You're asking me to deny my God."
Xena: "I'm asking you to spare your son."
Anteus: "And teach him what? That faith is just for those times when it's convenient to believe. That when it gets hard and hurts to keep faith, you let it go until it gets easy again. What's the good in sparing his life if I rob it of the very thing that makes it worth living?"

Xena: "What are you doing here? I thought I told you to wait for me at the cave."
Gabrielle: "I did, and then this rock told me I had to come find you."
Xena: "The rock spoke to you?"
Gabrielle: "Well, yeah, I mean, his voice was little gravely, but I understood."

(Sigh) Gabrielle at knife point, again
Xena: (to Maell) "Alright, you've made your point. Now let her go and I'll go with you."
Gabrielle: "You know, she gets to go everywhere. You can take me."

Gabrielle: "Xena, how did we get into this? Did I hurt you?"
Xena: "No, no, loving every moment of it."
Gabrielle: "But, how did we get in here anyway? And why does my head feel like it was kicked by a centaur?"
Xena: "Does it? Good, the henbane must be wearing off."
Gabrielle: "Henbane?"
Xena: "Long story."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, well, if we fall, tell it to me on the way down."
Out of the frying pan and into the fire ... er ... well


Maell: (to Xena) "You know, for a pagan non-believer you're really quite bright. Pity."

Maell: (to Xena) "May our God show you mercy ... for I never will."

Gabrielle: "Ow. Do you think you could talk any louder? I don't think they heard you on Mount Olympus, unless, of course, you're trying to convert to the one true god."
Xena: "One god, although, you got to admit, it's pretty interesting theory. How's the head?"
Gabrielle: "Hey! Look, do me a favor, okay? If you ever see me take a drug again, just kill me."
Xena: "You got a deal. Still, for someone high on henbane, you do a pretty fair voice of God."
Gabrielle: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Xena: "Your voice of God impersonation. Not bad, though you could improve you timing. It almost cost Anteus an arm."
Gabrielle: "Wait. Are you saying that you heard it too, the Voice? And here, I though it was the henbane."
Xena: "Very funny. Although, it wouldn't have been if you had taken much longer getting that loud talking thing."
Gabrielle: "Well, that's just it, I never did get the loud talking thing. I mean, I had it in my hands and I lost it."
Xena: "That can't be. I mean ... C'mon ... if you didn't do it, then who ..."

If you didn't do it, then who ...
DISCLAIMER: No Unrelenting or Severely Punishing Deities were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

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