Xena, Gabrielle and Meg must protect Leah, the Hestian Priestess (yet another Xena lookalike), and her fellow virgins from Bailius, a demented priest bent on destroying the Hestians. Xena ... um ... Meg ... no, Leah ... well, some long legged, blue-eyed brunette saves the day.
Gabrielle: "I get it. This is about me bugging you for more responsibility, isn't it? You want to see if I can rescue you without your help. I can do that."
Xena???: "My child, you seem a little twoubled."
Gabrielle: "Trouble is a polite word for what I am! Callisto! You've come back to drive me insane ... Princess Diana, I ... I should have known ... I ... Meg? You really had me going ... you're not Meg."
Xena???: "Permit me to introduce myself. I am Leah, head pwiestess of the temple of Hestia."
Gabrielle: "You're kidding me, right? A Hestian virgin?"
Leah: "Are there any other sort?"
Gabrielle: "This is too good."
Xena: "What are you grinning at?"
Gabrielle: "You see, I ran into someone in town, someone really, really interesting. At least, I think you'll find her interesting."
Xena: "Uh huh."
Gabrielle: "Xena, for once, can you just ... just play along."
Xena: "Alright. Gee, Gabrielle, who is it? I simply must know. The suspense is killing ... Diana."
Gabrielle: "That's wrong, again. Give up? Xena, Warrior Princess, meet Leah, the Priestess ... the Hestian Priestess ... the Hestian virgin Priestess."
Leah: "It's not my place to question the Goddess. We must all place our faith in Hestia ... Do I sense a non-believer among us?"
Xena: "I just think you'd do better if you put more faith in yourself."
Leah: "Well, looks like someone caught a speeding chariot headed stwaight for Tartarus. What about you, Gabrielle? Surely you place more faith in the all-knowing, ever-powerful gods than you do in yourself."
Gabrielle: "Actually, I'm with Xena on this one."
Leah: "Ah, heathens to the left of me and also to the right. Next thing you'll be telling me is you're not still virgins ... Oh! ... Oh, Hestia, if denying the flesh is the path to true wighteousness then what lessons can I learn from these wanton stwumpets?"
Gabrielle: "You don't have to be a virgin to be virtuous."
Leah: "Oh yes, you keep telling yourself that dear ... (to Hestia) how can I pass your wisdom to these women of questionable virtue who so obviously diswegard the purity of their own bodies?"
Gabrielle: "I was married at the time."
Leah: "Yes, well, we all have our little excuses, don't we?"
Gabrielle: (to a chuckling Xena) "Were you?"
Hestian Monk: "Virgins only."
Gabrielle: "What, is it written on my forehead?!"
Gabrielle: "That's Meg."
Xena: "Well, it sure aint no virgin."
Xena: "Hello, Meg."
Meg: "What are you doing here?"
Xena: "I could ask you the same thing."
Meg: "You got some nerve, Priestess, abandoning your flock just when they need ya, and a woman of the cloth, probably out sewing your wild oats. Ya make me sick. Go on (shove) get outta here."
Xena: "You don't want to be doing that, Meg."
Meg: "Oh, so the little virgin wants to play rough, hmm? How'd you like a trip to Mount Olympus courtesy of my fist ... ah ... hello, Xena."
Leah: "You weally are a very nice, albeit misguided, young person, Gabrielle. Pity I didn't get a hold of you sooner. You would have made and excellent Hestian."
Gabrielle: "Believe me, if I have to go the rest of my life without companionship, knowing myself won't be a problem."
Barmaids: "Joxer the Mighty, Master of virility
Every woman wants him, he's so handsome it's a sin
If you want a special tip, he's the man you can't resist
By every measure he's a prize."
Joxer: "Joxer got my shoes sized." Barmaids: "Joxer got his shoes sized."
He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!
Joxer the Mighty, Captain of debauchery
Never seems to get enough,
If you need some company, Joxer's got a guarantee"
Joxer: "Of the highest potency." Barmaid: "For him I'd even work for free." Leah: "Get you filthy hands off of me!"
Joxer: "The woman I love is working here. I've got to stop her. On the other hand, I am just a small business transaction away from pressing my lips against her."
Gabrielle: "Where did you get this outfit?"
Leah: "I found it in a back room. There were lots of costumes back there. Maybe they're planning a party."
Gabrielle: "Heh heh ... never mind."
Joxer: "Don't worry about it Priestess. I'll take care of everything, just wait. First of all, we gotta get that big, dumb looking guy with the keys to come over here, and once he's lured in, I'll wait for the right moment, then, wammo! Yeah, I'll get the keys, stick them in the door, turn it and let us out. I tell ya, it's so easy Priestess any idiot could do it."
Xena: "Come on, idiot."
Joxer: "Hi, Xena."
Xena: "You're a religious man, Bailius. I got three words for you ... say your prayers."
DISCLAIMER: Despite another lookalike, the gene pool (or rather gene puddle) was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.