Xena masquerades as a princess (who coincidentally is virtually identical to our dark hero) to foil an assassination plot. Gabrielle beats up a thug on her very own. Xena discovers a new use for string instruments. And, Argo's tail never looked better.
Xena: "I am not a hired sword at the disposal of those who can afford to pay me."
Diana: "Amazing. It's like looking in a mirror ... before I brush my hair."
Xena: "There are plenty of people out there who could use my help ... and they don't live in castles surrounded by guards."
Diana: "I was just trying to give it some color, it seemed so awfully dark."
Xena: "Well, you have to convince people that you're me ... and I like dark."
Philemon: "I don't suppose you know them (band of assassins)."
Xena (masquerading as Diana): "No, I don't"
Philemon: "Stay behind me, this could get ugly."
Xena: "You have no idea."
Gabrielle: "The whoa of hearts long dead pound, sounding in my head, for a warrior princess lives the world of broken ... broken ... fivs ... mivs ... sieves ... broken sieves ... it'll work."
Gabrielle: "Okay, I just wish you would give me some warning when you're going to test me like that."
Diana (dressed as Xena): "Gabrielle?"
Gabrielle: "Yes ... are you alright? What happened at the castle? (reads Xena's scroll) So you're Princess Diana, who just happens to look like Xena? Heh heh ... it's test day, isn't it? Well, you're gonna have to do better than that."
Diana: "You don't even believe I'm me. You think I'm Xena. Well, I can't be Xena, because I'm not Xena."
Gabrielle: "You're not Xena."
Diana: "Tell me what to do to be a convincing Xena."
Gabrielle: "Well, for starters, stop crying."
Mineus: "I understand that you are an accomplished musician."
Xena (masquerading as Diana): "No, not really."
Philemon: "She's an artist on the harp."
Glauce: "Let's hear the Princess play."
King Lias: "I am very hungry."
Philemon: "Please, Diana, play for us."
Xena: "As you wish."
King Lias: "It appears the strings have been strung too tightly ... maybe another time."
Diana: "833 ... 834 ... 835 ... 836 ..."
Gabrielle: "I think that's plenty."
Diana: "Really? It looks so flat and dull."
Gabrielle: "Horses' tails are supposed to be flat and dull."
Gabrielle: "You may look like Xena, but you're nothing alike."
Philemon: "Who are you?"
Xena: "My name is Xena."
Philemon: "Xena ... amazing."
Xena: "It's sizzlin' tonight, don't ya think?"
Assassin: "Who are you? You're not the Princess."
Xena: "You got that right, Plato."
Xena: (to assassin) "Your blood flow has stopped and you're about to die a painful death unless you tell me who your contact inside is."
Philemon: "My brother is first born. Diana is rightfully his."
Xena: "Diana belongs to no one but herself. The sooner you both realize that, the better off your kingdoms will be."
Little Girl: "What's this?"
Diana: "This? It's my round, killing thing."
Diana: "Bless you."
Xena: "Didn't anybody ever tell you it's rude to leave before the cake's cut?"
Gabrielle: "She's so beautiful. Look how her hair shines."
Xena: "Well, they sure brush it enough."
Gabrielle: "Wait ‘til you see Argo's tail."
Gabrielle: "What was it like being her?"
Xena: "Not as much fun as you'd think."
Xena: "Uh huh."
Gabrielle: "You had people waiting on you hand and foot, fulfilling your every whim."
Xena: "Hey, that's what you're here for."
DISCLAIMER: Neither Xena nor her remarkable coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the production of this motion picture.