Still trapped in Callisto's body, Xena and a now mortal Ares team up to win back his godhood. Gabrielle and Joxer totally snap. Ares becomes human, if for only a little while. Xena beats the bad guys and Ares returns to his normal manipulative, deviant, handsome self.
Xena: "It's alright, it's me."
Gabrielle: "Xena, you know, I don't know if I'm gonna get used to this. It's so weird having your best friend in the body of your worst enemy. Could you dye your hair?"
Xena: "What are you doing here, Joxer?"
Joxer: "I'm here delivering a message to Callisto. I thought she might be interested ... I mean ... uh ... for Xena, the ... Are you getting the hang of this yet?
Gabrielle: "About half the time."
Xena: "Innocent people turned violent. Blood thirsty warlords on their best behavior. What's going on?"
Gabrielle: "Bar keep! You got a couple of thirsty customers over here."
Ares: "See what happens when the God of War takes a holiday. Well, more like a forced vacation."
Ares: "Pain. So that's what it's like."
Gabrielle: "Hah! You like it, huh? Well, there's plenty more where that came from!"
Ares: "Someone stole my sword, must have been while I was preoccupied with you and Callisto. Next thing I know, I'm down here ... exiled ... deposed."
Ares: "I want you to help me get my godhood back."
Xena: "And why would I do that?"
Ares: "I'll put you back into your own body. C'mon Xena, you must miss staring into those baby blues anytime you past a mirror."
Xena: "My body doesn't make me who I am, my deeds do."
Ares: "Without a sitting God of War, peaceful people have lost the self-discipline to control their anger."
Xena: "If that's true, then how come I haven't lost control?"
Ares: "That's the really interesting part. You see, those who have learned to channel their anger just become more and more focused. People who have no experience with violence totally lose it."
Gabrielle: "I am boiling mad right now at you! I have this overwhelming desire to knock you upside your irritating blond..."
Ares: "What's this infernal throbbing in my head?"
Xena: "It's called a hangover. It's the price we mortals pay for drinking to excess."
Ares: "And, pray why is it called a hangover?"
Xena: "Because pretty soon you're going to hang your head over that rail."
Joxer: "See, I told you this drainage pipe would lead right into the castle."
Gabrielle: "No, you wanted to storm the castle. I wanted to try the drainage pipe. It was me ... me ... me, me, me, me, me, me!"
Joxer: "Do you know what? It is so typical of you to say something like that. What's the matter with you anyway?"
Gabrielle: "‘What's the matter' with me is what I might do to you if you don't shut up!"
Ares: "Well, you in her body, but you still have your touch ... warm ... firm ... passionate ... yet at the same time, gentle. Now, Callisto, she's all animal. You know, she starts like a cold fish, but you press the right buttons ... hold on, it's quite a ride. Mind you, my experience with her was quite unique. She was in you body at the time."
Xena: "When I get my body back, I gotta remember to take a long bath."
Ares: "You know, It"s always come easily ... the blood lust ... the hate. This is the first time I've had to suffer the consequences."
Xena: "Spare me, Ares."
Ares: "You don's trust me? I can't blame you. After all I've put you through. But, a taste of mortality has really opened my eyes, and who knows, once a regain my sword, maybe things will be...different."
Xena: "A kinder, gentler God of War? We both know that's not gong to happen."
Ares: "You changed, why not me? I never lied to you, Xena. Oh, deceived and manipulated, yeah, but a god never has to lie."
Xena: "But that's just it, Ares. You're not a god anymore. As much as I would like to believe you, even if you believe it, all bets will be off once you get you godhood back, and that's if you do."
Ares: "I think you might be surprised about the change you can inspire in a man...or a god."
Gabrielle: "Joxer, it pains me to tell you that all day I have fantasized about ripping you heart out!"
Joxer: "Look, let's not try to kill each other until I slay the monster."
Gabrielle: "Alright. But, I can't wait much longer."
Xena: "Are you alright?"
Ares: "I've been hanged, swung over a fire, and nearly shish-ka-bobbed on razor sharp spikes. How you mortals get from day to day, ya know!"
Joxer: "The monster is dead! I killed it! Me, Joxer ... ow ... the new God of War! You may bow."
Xena: "Gabrielle. Joxer. What are you doing here?"
Gabrielle: "It's a long story. Now, Xena, are we gonna fight, because I want to taste blood. Now, forget the monster. It's a big, loud noise making thing-a-ma-jig ... like him."
Joxer: "Whatever. I conquered it."
Gabrielle: "Conquer this!"
Ares: "You saved me. I won't forget."
Xena: "Yes you will."
Gabrielle: "Wait a minute. You promised that Xena would get her body back if she helped you."
Ares: "I did, didn't I."
Gabrielle: "Wait! You can't betray her. Come back!"
Gabrielle: "If Ares doesn't keep his word and he doesn't switch you back, I'll be there for you ... no matter who's body you're in."
Xena: "Even a snake-haired Gorgon monster?"
Gabrielle: "I'll be there, I just won't look at you."
Xena: "Gabrielle, I'm proud of you. You felt the anger but you fought it. It takes a lot more strength to resist the violence than to surrender to it."
Gabrielle: "Thank you. Now, if I can just survive this boat ride with Joxer I'll be ..."
Xena: "Trust me, you'll be fine ... and so will I."
DISCLAIMER: No one was harmed in the making of the motion picture. However, Xena's ability to recover her body was severely impeded by Lucy Lawless's unexpected mishap.