Barb: "Barb Binder from Whoosh!. As webmaster of the Official Fan Site, I happen to know that Xena would never subscribe to the subjugating regime of marriage."
Reporter: "And wasn't Ares her most reviled enemy?"
Roxanne: "We'll field all questions and comments after Dr. Delaney is finished. Now, please let him continue."
Fred: "The scroll includes a contract between Xena and Ares with an accompanying story, which supports our theory that it is indeed a marriage license between the two. The time frame places it after Gabrielle and her evil daughter, Hope, seemingly perish after falling into a lave pit …"Gabrielle: "Hope!" … [pushing Xena aside and flinging herself and Hope into the fiery pit]Fred: "As we saw in the scroll entitled 'Adventures in the Sin Trade II,' upon looking for Gabrielle in the Amazon land of the dead, Xena received a vision from her enemy, Alti, which convinced Xena that Gabrielle was still alive …"
Gabrielle: "Xena!" -- SacrificeXena: "Gabrielle, you're the best thing in my life."Fred: "This new scroll accounts for the missing time between Xena receiving the vision, and her finally finding Gabrielle ... Our story begins as Xena rides away from the Amazon land of the dead with new hope that Gabrielle is alive. Joxer, still in the throes of mourning over the loss of Gabrielle, taken to drink …"
Gabrielle: "I love you, Xena." -- Adventures in the Sin Trade IIJoxer: "Oh, hi."Annie/Joxer: "Pardon me! Pardon me, uh, Annie Day, editor in chief of the 'Joxer the Mighty Quarterly'."
Xena: "Turn that frown upside down, mister. It's a beautiful day."
Joxer: "In case you didn't notice, I'm in a different kind of mourning."
Xena: "How many have you had?"
Joxer: "Just … [holds up four fingers] … two."
Xena: "Alright, it's time for you to sober up. You don't want Gabrielle seeing you this way. She's alive."
Joxer: "How do you know?"
Xena: "I had a vision."
Joxer: "Oh, you had a vision … you know, Xena, denial ain't just a river in Europe."
Xena: "The Nile's in Africa."
Joxer: "It's that big?"
Joxer: "She's gone! Nobody can survive that fall."
Xena: "Alright, if you want to sit here and drink yourself into oblivion, be my guest, but I'm going out to find our friend, you big drunk."
Joxer: "Hey, I'm not drunk! If I were drunk, could I do … [places mug atop his pointy helmet] … that?"
Joxer: "If I were drunk, could I do this … [falls over a table] … Ow!"
Joxer: [trekking through the woods] … "… are so pretty, just like Molly Malonius … Belch!"
Xena: "Watch your step."
Joxer: "Oof! … Oh, I'm Joxer the Mighty, I roam through the countryside with Gabby as his sidekick, fighting with her little stick … she ain't got no little stick no more."
Fred: "Yes, Miss Day."
Annie/Joxer: "Well, as one of the world's top experts on Joxer the Mighty studies, I think that I can throw some light on this new scroll thing."
Xena Fan #2: "Hey, that's that broad who discovered she was Joxer in a previous life."
Annie/Joxer: "I have a point of clarification."
Annie/Joxer: "Well, I'm afraid that your version of events is, in fact, spurious. From my research, I have ascertained that it was indeed Joxer who initiated the heroic search for Gabrielle, and it was he who pulled Xena out of a drunken stupor."
Fred: "No, that's inaccurate, Miss Day. From my research on all the Xena scrolls, I can assure you that Joxer never once flexed a heroic muscle. Now, please sit down, Miss Day. Thank you."
Roxanne: "At this time, we'll take a short break and reconvene in a few moments. You'll find coffee in the lobby."
Xena Fan #1: "Hey, how did you get over the horror of finding out you were that bumbling idiot, Joxer?"
Annie/Joxer: "Hey, Joxer was no fool. The guy they got to play him was a goofball, that's all. He was the producer's brother, for crying out loud."
Xena Fan #2: "At least you got to hang out with Xena and Gabby in a past life. We can't lay claims to anything that cool."
Xena Fan #2: "Speaking of the Warrior Princess and the Bard, what happened when your boyfriend, Harry, found out he was Xena in a past life?"
Xena Fan #1: "And then your past lives counselor was none other than his beloved sidekick, Gabrielle."
Annie/Joxer: [looking sick] … "They got hitched."
Xena Fan #1: "Decent. Xena and Gabby finally a couple."
Xena Fan #2: "Wait till we tell the rest of the fans."
Annie/Joxer: [sobbing] … "But I read his scrolls."
Joxer: "Yeah, I decided to carry on Gabrielle's legacy. I'm the bard now."
Xena: "Go on, read it."
Joxer: "'As the innocent Gabrielle plummeted to her fiery doom, Joxer, the ultimate warrior, watched in horror, his muscles bulging, one after another--'"
Xena: [snatching the scroll from him] … "'… and the light played on his steely, sun kissed buttocks'?"
Joxer: "Pretty good, huh?"
Xena: "Gabrielle, where are you now?"
Joxer: "She's gone. Where are we going, anyway?"
Xena: "To the temple where she disappeared. Maybe we can pick up her trail from there."
Joxer: "Oh, that's a great idea. Hey, maybe she left some breadcrumbs for us to follow."
Xena: "Gabrielle is alive and you're gonna help me find her whether you like it or not. Now, stay here. I'm gonna hit the 'ladies'."
Joxer: "Hey, why don't you hit some kids, too!"
Xena: "Gabrielle, we're not doing so good without you. But I'm gonna keep looking till I find you, I promise."
Ares: "What's happening?"
Xena: "Nothing that concerns you."
Ares: "Oh, you'd be surprised … Ooh, picked up a little something on Gabrielle."
Xena: "You spying on me now?"
Ares: "No, I'm just worried you're still holding out hope … guess that was a poor choice of words."
Xena: "What do you want?"
Ares: "You don't seriously think you're gonna find anything in the lava pit, do you?"
Xena: "Why should you care?"
Ares: "Oh, I care. Trust me."
Xena: "Ares, you are as much to blame as Hope for Gabrielle falling into that pit."
Ares: "Let's not go pointing fingers. Besides, you might be on to something. Gabrielle still alive? It's possible. But you're gonna need the help of a friendly god."
Xena: "I don't need you."
Ares: "Oh, admit it. With my powers I can cover a thousand times the area you can alone. If Gabrielle is out there somewhere, I'm your best bet for a speedy reunion."
Xena: "Why the sudden helping hand?"
Ares: "Well, over the years, we have caused each other a lot of grief, and I think that's because I couldn't express my true feelings."
Xena: "What are you driving?"
Ares: [dropping to one knee] … "Will you marry me?"
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