Aphrodite, due to Ares ever-manipulating self, enchants Gabrielle's scroll. Anything written on the parchment becomes reality. Ares and Aphrodite get a taste of mortality. Xena goes fishing. Aphrodite creates a stink. And, the world is blessed with three naked Gabrielles.
Aphrodite: "Delinquent losers. I have half a mind to hit you with ..."
Ares: "... a love bolt?"
Ares: "You know what you problem is?"
Aphrodite: "Duh. Your little Xena."
Ares: "Gabrielle, her friend. See, I only made the warrior, she made the legend. Have you read any of her so-called stories? A warrior who loves the common person. You'd think she was a goddess. Pretty soon, when people think of ‘love' they're going to think of Xena, not Aphrodite."
Aphrodite: "Xena?"
Ares: "Don't blame her. It's Gabrielle and her busy quill. That's your problem."
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Gabrielle: "I love starting a new scroll ... the feel of it in your hands ... the look ... so clean ... so perfectly empty ... listen ... the way it crinkles the first time you open it...and that smell ... it's just a special untouched scent ... try." |
Xena: "Don't you ever get tired of just writing down what I do? Why don't you create new characters, new images."
Gabrielle: "You mean fiction?"
Gabrielle: "‘Xena had gone fishing. The lone warrior, Gabrielle, awoke with a jerk as five barbarians rode out of the woods. Twirling her trusty staff she delivered kicks of such fury.' This fiction stuff can be really fun."
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Gabrielle: "Did you see that? Back flips! I don't do Back flips." |
Gabrielle: "I can write anything ... and it comes true."
Joxer: "What'd you write to bring me here? Like ... um ... you know ... Gabrielle ... uh ... appears with a guy with a heart of a lion and the soul of a warrior, that kind of thing? Let's see, ‘Xena has gone fi ... fi ...' "
Gabrielle: "... fishing."
Joxer: "‘...fishing. Gabrielle awoke with a jerk.' Gabrielle awoke with a jerk? That's a funny phrase."
Gabrielle: "Stories can be anything we want them to be. Happy endings can truly happen, Joxer."
Aphrodite: "Did the little, blond girlie scare the big, hairy men?"
Barbarian Leader: "We are barbarians. We fear nothing. We fight with the heart of a lion."
Aphrodite: "And you run with the feet of a chicken."
Gabrielle: "See there, all the food is free and the drinks are on the ... I think I have to be more careful with my wording."
Gabrielle: "Do you realize that now that I know the power of the scroll I can end hunger. I can end disease. I can end ... I can end war. ‘The will of mortals won out' ... edit ... 'and War lost all its powers.' "
Ares: "My powers! What happened to my powers?! You! What have you done to me?"
Gabrielle: "Um ... it's not my fault ... um ... I can fix this ... uh ... 'the force that enchanted the scroll lost its powers.' "
Aphrodite: "Whoa, wipe out."
Ares: "You gave this blond harpy powers of destiny?"
Aphrodite: "No. I enchanted a scroll."
Ares: "I promise, if you give me my powers back I'll call off the attack."
Aphrodite: "Ha, pigs can fly?"
Ares: "You can."
Joxer: "Look, just write ‘everything is as it was before.'"
Aphrodite: "Then we'll all go back to our baby cribs and you'll go back under your rock. Did you write him here?"
Gabrielle: "Not exactly ... I ... "
Ares: "Ah, ‘Gabrielle awoke with a jerk.'"
Joxer: "I don't get it. What's so funny about waking up?"
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Minya: "You know, my boyfriend, Hower, he thinks that the Goddess of Love is just so beautiful and perfect. Wait ‘till he hears that your just as plain as the dirt on a wagon wheel, just like me." |
Ares: "Those caves are gonna start getting pretty full."
Aphrodite: "Why won't it stay up? Basic hair care was not such a drag as a goddess."
Joxer: "I think it looks good on you."
Aphrodite: "Flattery works, keep going."
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Gabrielle: "You wrote on the scroll?!" |
Joxer: "Now, let's send those three (naked Gabrielle's) to the caves. We can do it in a minute ... or, now is good."
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Ares: "We were starting to warm up to each other there, weren't we?" |
Joxer: "Wait. You guys smell something?"
Aphrodite: "Lay off of me, turkey."
Joxer: "No, no it's fish."
Aphrodite: "I'm new to this mortal hygiene thing."
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Xena: "Are you looking for this? I took it off a peddler who was being chased by barbarians, who was being chased by three naked Gabrielles and Minya." |
Gabrielle: "Kind of messed it up, didn't I?"
Xena: "Pretty much. Did you write that limerick?"
Joxer: "I did!"
Xena: "Figures."
Gabrielle: "You know, I tried to get you back. I tried, ‘Xena returns to her number one friend,' and..."
Xena: "And you sent me to see a girl I haven't seen since I was five ... my first friend."
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Ares: "What about, ‘Xena returns to the woman who brought her to a new life'?" |
Aphrodite: "Look I really hate to be the one to break up like a major love-fest, but look at me! I'm not built to be mortal. We have to put things back the way they were."
Joxer: "Yeah, and stop Thelonius from destroying the valley."
Aphrodite: "Whatever."
Xena: "All we have to do is write the truth. You have to write down everything I do, no embellishing, no poetic license, just exactly what you see, alright?"
Joxer: "What's wrong?"
Gabrielle: "I ... um ... I'm not really good at writing action."
Ares: "What? You follow Xena around all day. You write stories about her. How do you do this without writing action?"
Gabrielle: "You see, I use metaphors. I write, ‘Xena burst on the scene in a blaze of glory.' "
Joxer: "You do that and we'll be picking her up in a million pieces."
Minya: "You know, I expected more from the God of War. I mean, without his powers he's just another man ... just another, big ol' leather-clad ... well-muscled ... gorgeous ... hunk of bad boy ... man."
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Joxer: "Hey look, you've still got some extra space at the bottom of the scroll." |
DISCLAIMER: No naked Gabrielles were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
