Mortal Beloved

The Underworld gets turned up side down when Hades' helmet of invisibility is stolen. Xena and Marcus (a deceased Marcus) must reunite Hades with his helmet within 48 hours (upon which Marcus must return to Tartarus). Sigh, where have all the handsome, sensitive men gone? The Underworld (it would figure).


C'mon, Gabrielle, you  can play 'fetch' with it later
Gabrielle: "Consider the consequences if you're wrong. Even if you reach the bottom you won't have enough air to make it back to the surface."
Xena: "Then I'll make it to the Under World one way or another."
Gabrielle: "That's not funny."
Xena: "Gabrielle, the man I love has asked for my help to save good souls. I have to try this."


Xena: "You must be Charon."
Charon: "No, I'm Tilulu the dancing girl. Of course I'm Charon. Who else would be crazy enough to be down here? Mind you with all the changes that are going on I could be losing my job soon. No more Mr. Nice Guy. I refuse to take anymore dead people across unless they have a coin."
Xena: "Charon, I'm not dead."
Charon: "You're not dead?"
Xena: "No."
Charon: "You mean you're alive?"
Xena: "Yes."
Charon: "Aye yi yi! What is it all coming to?"
Xena: "Charon, I know something's gone terribly wrong on the other side."
Charon: "Oh, I know something's gone wrong on the other side.' You can say that again. We've got everything turned up side down. All the wicked are in the Elysian Fields. All the good guys are in Tartarus. And now, we've got tourists."
Xena: "I want to help set things right."
Charon: "You want to help set things right? When Hades can't do anything? This I gotta see."


Xena: "I've thought about you a lot."
Marcus: "I know. Whenever a living being thinks of us we can hear it. Thanks, it's meant a lot to me."

Xena: "They have everything they could ever want, and they still want more."
Marcus: "Strange thing, they're not happy even in paradise."

Gee, long distance relationships are tough
Toxeus: "So, you ended up with the wicked after all, Xena. I guess you can't make up for a lifetime of evil with a few good deeds at the end. Tell me, who had the pleasure of killing you?"
Xena: "No one. My horse threw me and I broke my little neck."

Xena: "So if we succeed in putting things right, you will spend the rest of eternity in Tartarus with the very people you're about to betray. Why are you doing this?"
Marcus: "Xena, I died doing a selfless act. You taught me how sweet that can be, and I know you would do the same thing if you were in my place."


Doing what she does 2nd best
Gabrielle: "I'm waiting for a friend."
Passerby: "She coming from the other side of the lake?"
Gabrielle: "Sort of."


Marcus: "What?"
Xena: "You lost some weight."
Marcus: "It gets hot down here."

Xena: "Has the Great God Hades become so powerless that he can't do this one, small thing to save his kingdom?"


Gabrielle: "Did you see the nose bleed I gave him (Atyminius)? There was blood everywhere. And then, he kicked me in the head ... and then, the next thing I saw was you. It's a very pleasant sight."

Xena: "Gabrielle, this is Marcus."
Gabrielle: "I've heard so much about you. I'm sorry we didn't get to meet before you were ... killed ... you're dead."
Xena: "He's alive again ... for a while."

Marcus: "I want to be awake for every moment of life I have left to me. You know, you don't realize the kinds of things the living take for granted until you don't have them anymore. Like the evening air, it just settles on you like a warm blanket. And the sky, there's nothing like it on the other side. You know what I miss most?"
Xena: "Ah, would that be me?"
Marcus: "Yes, that would be you. There's something I want to say to you."
Xena: "What?"
Marcus: "My death was not your fault. Things had to play out the way they did."
Xena: "Sometimes I think that if I'd just said things a little differently then maybe you would have come around before it was too late."
Marcus: "No, Xena, it was a miracle you got to me at all. See, I was convinced I could never change. But your words finally found their way to my heart. You did everything right. Don't be so hard on yourself...and don't give up on love."
Xena: "You heard those thoughts, too?"
Marcus: "Yes"
Xena: "It's just that I found out how much you meant to me one moment, and you were gone the next. It hurt too much, I guess. I started wondering if it was ever worth it to care that much."
Marcus: "Oh, but it is. One thing that I have learned is that love is the strongest power in the universe. It's stronger than evil. It's even stronger than death. My feelings for you were the only thing keeping me going down there in Tartarus. It was like I was carrying my own Elysian Fields around inside of me."


Atyminius "I hate jugglers, be glad you're not a mime."


Xena: "I can't stand the thought of you spending eternity in Tartarus. You are a good, good soul."
Marcus: "That's the way it has to be."


Charon: "Are you dead this time?"
Xena: "No, neither is he."
Charon: "Wait a second. I know this guy. He's been dead a while."
Xena: "Well, he's not dead anymore."
Charon: "I don't believe this! There are no rules anymore. Alright, that is it. I'm drawing the line here. Someone has to. So, I'm not taking either of you across unless you've got a gold coin. Now, there will be no exceptions, no bargains, no compromises, and absolutely no deals ... (hello Hades' helmet of invisibility) ... Welcome aboard. Hope you have a great time. Please make yourself comfortable. Keep your hands inside of the boat. Now, looking to the left you will see the caves of distress, and just ahead, coming up on the right, you will see the hanging garden of disgusting disease."


Xena: "If you want to get it back you'll have to put Marcus among the good. If I don't tell you what I did with it you may never get it back."
Hades: "I can't do that. It's impossible."
Xena: "Don't give me that, you're a god."

Xena: "He deserves another judgement ... well, have fun looking for that helmet." Hades: "You must go now Xena. Marcus is in the Elysian Fields forever."


A tender and comforting moment
Xena: "He's in the Elysian Fields."
Gabrielle: "You'll be together again one day."
Xena: "We'll never be apart. He's in here ... forever."


DISCLAIMER: No winged Harpies were harmed or sent to a fiery grave during the production of this motion picture.


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