Doge of Messini: "She's a hired mercenary!"
Regent of Skiros: "It's a breach of the Peace!"
Palatine of Parnassus: "This means war! Arrest her! Arrest the Warrior Princess!"
Miss Artiphys: "Honey, I'm no Princess ... I'm a Queen."
Salmoneus: "Actually, folks, this lanky beauty is our last contestant, Miss Artiphys. Whose hobbies include archery, horse breeding, and knowing the complete score to every musical ever written. Put 'em together for Miss Artiphys, everybody!"
Salmoneus: "I have the preliminary decision right here. Ladies, when I read out your names will you please step forward. Here they are, the finalists for the title of Miss Known World … Miss Messini … Miss Skiros … Miss Parnassus … Miss Artiphys … and last, but not least, Miss Amphipolis!"
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "Yes! Brilliant! You go, girl! Miss 'A' all the way!"
Salmoneus: "There they are, the five semi-finalists for the title of Miss Known World!"
Xena: "How did you … why?"
Miss Artiphys: "I guess we've both got our secrets. Thanks for keeping mine."
Salmoneus: "Now, don't forget to come back for our final round … the Talent Competition!"
Gabrielle: "I still don't understand why you won't sing. You would be a shoe-in if you did."
Xena: "Gabrielle, I've told you before, I sing when I'm moved, when there's something behind it. It's not about performance."
Gabrielle: "As a bard and a fellow creative artist I can understand that. Which just leaves us one question ... what can you do?!"
Xena: "I don't know, finding out who's sabotaging things would be a great start. Next time they strike, someone could get killed."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, you. Whoever's doing this wants to get to those warlord beauties, and how better to do it than to just, you know, you?"
Xena: "You just gave me a great idea."
Gabrielle: "About how to catch whoever's doing this?"
Xena: "No. About what to do for my talent."
Matron: [barges into the gals' room] "What are you doing here? That is, I thought you'd be rehearsing for the talent event. And aren't you supposed to be at a meeting?"
Gabrielle: "What meeting?"
Palatine of Parnassus: "I was made to look like a fool."
Doge of Messini: "A fairly simple task."
Regent of Skiros: "You should tak."
Lord Clairon: "Gentlemen. Gentlemen, please. This is not solving the problem."
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "He is right. This stunt Miss Artiphys pulled only show how on edge things are. It was a joke, for Zeus' sake. It is nothing to call the troops in for."
Palatine of Parnassus: "Maybe not, but what about everything else our girls have been through? At least, most of our girls."
Regent of Skiros: "Can I help it if mine's lucky?"
Palatine of Parnassus: "I'm beginning to think maybe you can."
Doge of Messini: "Yeah, funny how nothing's happened to your girl … yet."
Regent of Skiros: "She gets so much as a hangnail, I won't wait for the judges. I'll make my own declaration … and it will be war!"
Palatine of Parnassus: "And that goes double for me."
Lord Clairon: "I'm going to go and beef up stage security."
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "Look what you do."
Doge of Messini: "Me?"
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "Yes, threatening Miss Skiros like this. What is it with you three? Always threats, ultimatums. You are here to celebrate peace and work together. Now just shut up and do it!"
Gabrielle: "This is sabotage!"
Xena: "Gabrielle, it's just a bad dress."
Gabrielle: "Bad dress?! Xena, chiffon is bad. Chartreuse is bad. But this is a disaster! You will be eliminated halfway down the catwalk."
Xena: "Calm down. Look, if it really bother you, I'll fix it." … [Xena starts hacking away at her unsightly dress with a small dagger]
Gabrielle: "… getting better …"
Pageant Matron: [barges in … again] … "You're pretty good with a knife ... for a contestant, that is."
Xena: "Well, I have many skills."
Xena: [having practiced her amazing sword wielding skills for the talent competition] … "Well, it's not Sophocles, but it will have to do."
Xena: "Miss Messini? What happened?"
Miss Messini: "Nothing. I'm fine, really. Just a little something in my eye is all."
Xena: "Oh, I guess we're all kinda keyed up, you know, wondering who's going to win the pageant and all, huh?"
Miss Messini: "No."
Miss Messini: "I think it's a crock."
Xena: "You do?"
Miss Messini: "We all do … except for you. Then again, you're not from around here. You can't know how stupid something like this seems when you've been through a war where it was a fight just to survive."
Xena: "If that's how you all feel, then why are you here?"
Miss Messini: "Different reasons. Miss Parnassus made a deal … if she wins the Palatine will give her village extra food for this coming winter. For Miss Skiros, the war was so terrible, and the memories … she wants to get away, so she's using this pageant to do it."
Xena: "And you? Why did you enter?"
Miss Messini: "I didn't. My boyfr- … my sponsor entered me. I guess I could have said no. But it just seemed to mean so much to him that I didn't want to hurt his feelings."
Xena: "What about your feelings? Don't they count?"
Miss Messini: "They never have before."
Miss Messini: "I mean, I know he loves me, but he's so hung on the way I look, you know, that it's hard for him to see past that to the person underneath. But, then, I guess a lot of people make that mistake, don't you?"
Xena: "I know they do. But, you can change that. Tell him how you feel. You're entitled."
Miss Messini: "You think so?"
Xena: "I know so. So should you."
[Meanwhile, someone begins to saw away at the a supporting beam which overhangs the stage.]
Xena: "What am I doing in there?"
Miss Skiros: "I don't know. I can't see any ..."
Xena: "Well, good luck."
Miss Skiros: "I make my own luck."
Xena: "Then you don't need a pageant to change it, do you?"
Gabrielle: "There you are! They pushed up the talent event. It's already started. Come on."
Salmoneus: "Thank you, Miss Messini, for that lovely rendition of … whatever that song you just played was. Miss Messini, everybody!"
Salmoneus: "And now … Miss Artiphys!" … [Miss Artiphys performs a wild ribbon dance to the tune of "The Flight of the Bumblebees"]
Xena: [backstage] "Any trouble so far?"
Salmoneus: "Nothing a hook wouldn't solve. If you mean danger, not yet."
Gabrielle: "Maybe we scared off the people who were trying to get the girls."
Xena: "Maybe, but my fear is they'll switch to targeting warlords."
Salmoneus: [sees his cue] "Wait."
Salmoneus: "Now, we have an act that's sure to be a charmer. Miss Skiros!"
Xena: [backstage] "Why the rush on this event?"
Salmoneus: "Don't ask me, ask him." … [points towards Lord Clairon]
[Meanwhile, as Miss Skiros charms her cobra out of it's basket, the half-sawed through ceiling support begins to give way.]
Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5