Xena: "In my former life, my manger and I had a little floor show which we would like to perform for you in honor of our emperor's exotic tastes in entertainment."
Caligula: "Now you're talking."
[Xena and Gabrielle start caressing a very agitated Ares.]
Xena: "Do you want a piece of this?"
Caligula: "I'm tempted … deeply tempted … but, I, uh … [points towards a sleeping Aphrodite] … can't."
Xena: "Just as you like, though I would like to give you a taste of what you'll be missing."
[Xena glides up to Caligula and kisses him. Before breaking their lip-lock, she bites his lower lip.]
Caligula: "Oh, you are the savage one."
Xena: "You have no idea."
Xena: "And now … let us entertain you."
Ares: "You know, I have had fantasies about this in a hundred different situations, I gotta tell ya, but I never got to this scenario."
Xena: "Enjoy it while you can, 'cause in about thirty seconds, all Hell is going to break lose."
Caligula: [realizing his lip is bleeding] … "Guards … put that woman in chains! Immediately!"
Aphrodite: "Come on, don't make them go home now."
Caligula: "I said, no! … [backhands Aphrodite] … Everyone, I want this hall cleared immediately! All of you, go! You, guard, come here, now. Take out your dagger. Do it! Stab my arm. Come on … [the knife blade goes through cleanly without drawing blood] … I, I still have it. Oh, my sweet immortality."
Aphrodite: "Blood. I'm gonna die."
Gabrielle: "It's a small wound."
Aphrodite: "Today, maybe, but then a bigger one and one day, like every pathetic mortal, I'll be dead."
Gabrielle: "Aphrodite, listen to me. You know me, Aphrodite. I'm your friend."
Aphrodite: "I'm not staying here to listen to this … [tries to disappear, but can't] … No … no."
Xena: [pulling at the chains around her wrists] … "Nice touch."
Caligula: "Saba … when you bit my lip, you made me bleed. How is that possible? I'm immortal."
Xena: "Join the club. Caligula, I am immortal, too."
Caligula: "Saba the charioteer is a god?"
Xena: "No, Saba the Celtic Goddess of Sex is a god."
Xena: "When I had heard that the Olympians had met an untimely end, I thought this was the perfect opportunity for me to spread my … wings. And of course, when I saw you, I knew you'd make the perfect ally."
Caligula: "What power do you have?"
Xena: "You've already experienced my powers. I have the ability to pierce the veil of immortality, to make gods bleed. It's an uncommon gift"
Caligula: "And a risk for any god to keep you around."
Xena: "A risk not to, especially when you compare me to that washed out dish-rag Aphrodite."
Caligula: "Where is she, anyway?"
Xena: "Forget her. She's weak. Now, how much better would it be if there were two healthy gods using one another?"
Caligula: "You mean, you … and I?"
Xena: "Well, otherwise, you'll be known as 'Caligula, God of Messed Up Freaks'."
Caligula: "How dare you speak to me in that way?! Do you know who you are talking to?"
Xena: "Do you? Sheeya! … [hops up in the air to sever her chains with a hanging spear] … Think about it carefully. I make a very good friend … and an even better enemy."
Voice: "Caligula … my cowardly son … don't you recognize your own mother's voice? I see you've become the pathetic man we always though you'd be. You're the laughingstock of all Rome."
Voice: "You murdered your own family for this?!"
Caligula: "I am a god! You are just voices in my head! You're dead! Just leave me alone!"
Voice: "Leave you alone?"
Caligula: "By the Heavens, somebody save me!"
Voice: "Caligula, you are the only one who can save yourself."
Caligula: [sees the Archangel Michael smirking at him from behind his throne] … "What sort of demon are you?"
Eve: "At last. I am ready."
Michael: "You are ready?"
Eve: "Yes, Archangel."
Michael: "You are afraid."
Eve: "No. It's … I'm …"
Michael: "Have no fear."
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