Gabrielle: "I know Joxer almost as well as I know you."
Xena: "And how well is that?"
Gabrielle: "Well enough to know what you're thinking most of the time. Like right now, you're thinking, ‘she thinks she knows me, huh? We'll see about that.'"
Xena: "Easy guess."
Gabrielle: "Okay, now your thinking, ‘oh, wait. I haven't thought of anything yet.'"
Xena: "And what am I thinking now?"
Gabrielle: "You wouldn't dare, not to an injured woman."
Xena: "Either you start filling in some holes, or I start making them."
Rafe: "What do you make of her (Xena)?"
Eldon: "Trust me, Rafe, no man can make her."
Gabrielle: "Joxer, I don't know if you can hear me, but ... um ... stay with us. I mean, Xena and I ... we care about you ... and, uh ... I know it's kind of hard to tell sometimes. You're like family to us, so don't leave us, okay."
Xena: "I have many skills, most of which I use against people like you."
Rafe: "Alright, correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the feeling you don't like me much."
Xena: "Not true, I don't like you at all."
Xena: "I'll tell you what I believe. I believe that you bet your buddy that you could score with me and this whole line of bull is you trying to win a bet that you can only lose."
Titus: "Who in Tartarus are you?"
Xena: "The woman who's going to own this place and everything in it ... those paintings ... that statue ... ooh, even this pretty little trinket."
Xena: (to Titus) "Killing's too good for scum like you. I am going to take you down piece by piece ‘til there is nothing left, not even your club, your money, your pride, not even your stinking ruby. I'm gonna take it all and I'm gonna enjoy every moment of it."
Titus: "Everyone's got a price, what's yours?"
Gabrielle: "So, you and Rafe, huh? He's not too bad is he?"
Xena: You mean for someone who makes his money cheating others out of their's? Yeah, he's a prince."
Xena: "Give me that hat."
Rafe: "What do you say?"
Xena: "Or else."
Rafe: "So, you always this focused?"
Xena: "That's right. You always this nosey?"
Rafe: "Not anymore."
Xena: "See how simple?"
Eldon: (to Rafe) "You're falling to the biggest con of all. You're falling in love."
Leo: (to Joxer) "C'mon, you're my ticket out of the dog house."
Xena: "And I'm the ticket taker."
Xena: (to Titus) "Smart money says you're going down."
Xena: "Caring keeps you focused."
Xena: "Read ‘em ... and weep."
DISCLAIMER: No con men were conned during the production of this motion picture.