Xena and Gabrielle travel to Troy (yes, that Troy) to help Helen (yes, that Helen). Gabrielle stumbles across her once betrothed (who, amazingly enough, is not red-shirted, yet). Not even Xena can change the course of history and Troy falls. But, Helen is saved and our heroes go on their merry way.
Gabrielle: "Okay, let me get this straight, to get into Troy, not only do we have to get past that huge stone wall, but we have to do it in front of the Greek army?"
Xena: "Shh ... keep your voice down, Gabrielle."
Gabrielle: "Right. But you do have a plan."
Xena: "Count on it. Are your boots laced?"
Xena: "Well, first I have to see Helen and Paris."
Xena: "I've got to meet who I'm fighting for."
Perdicus: "Sorry, no one gets to see them without permission. It's against regulations."
Xena: "Well, that's never bothered me before."
Xena: "You sent for me?"
Helen: "Xena, I was worried you wouldn't come."
Xena: "Well, we've had our differences in the past, but you're still a friend."
Helen: "After ten years of war, Troy has become a city of misery and death. Paris may have loved me once, but now he is consumed with victory. We're hardly more than strangers. I just want the war to end."
Gabrielle: "What if something happens to you? What an I supposed to do then?"
Perdicus: "Write a story about me."
Perdicus: "You've taken good care of Gabrielle. I wanted to thank you for that."
Xena: "There's no need, she's like family."
Xena: "There's something going on in Troy. I don't know what it is, but I can feel it."
Helen: "Everyday another soldier dies for my happiness. I can't live with it anymore."
Xena: "Then don't. The war stopped being about your happiness a long time ago, Helen. We both know Paris doesn't love you, and Menelaus barely knows you. The war will go on without you, Helen. Let it."
Helen: "But where would I go? What would I do?"
Xena: "What do you want to do?"
Helen: "I don't know. Nobody's ever asked me that before."
Xena: "Beware Greeks bearing gifts, Paris."
Gabrielle: "I wonder what happened to Xena? It's not like her to be gone so long."
Perdicus: "She's probably up at the palace. I'm sure Helen and Paris are throwing the biggest party of all."
Gabrielle: "I don't know, she's not much for parties."
Perdicus: "Well, I wouldn't worry. I'm sure that she can more than take care of herself."
Paris: "I don't know how all this happened. I just wanted to love you."
Helen: "No, you wanted to own me."
Soldier: (pulling the infamous Trojan horse out of the city) "I thought this thing would be a lot lighter with no one in it."
Xena: "Ayiyiyiyiyiyiyi .... Thanks for the lift."
Xena: "Run for your miserable lives."
Perdicus: (to Gabrielle) "I know that we will see each other again, someday."
Helen: "You've done a lot for me, Xena. You've showed me the only person who can make me truly happy is me."
Xena: "So, what's next for you?"
Helen: "I don't know. But for the first time, it's my decision."
Gabrielle: "Do you want to go back for it? It's bound to be a collector's item."
Xena: "Only if you're gonna pull it."
DISCLAIMER: No Oversized Polynesian-style Bamboo Horses were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, many wicker lawn chairs gave their lives.