Gabrielle: "It's beautiful! Absolutely beautiful! Don't you think it's beautiful? The way it dips and curves."
Xena: "It's not supposed to dip and curve. The parchment has to stay still."
Gabrielle: "Parchment? Uh ... no, the cloud behind it. Don't you think it looks like my nose, you know, the way it dips down and has that cute little curve to the side?"
Xena: "Look, that clip (attached to her flying parchment) is supposed to release when you tug on that line (dangling from said parchment). Go on, grab it. Go ahead."
Gabrielle: (alas the lovely and charming lass cannot reach it) "Very funny. Fortunately, I have a brilliant sense of humor."
Gabrielle: "Xena, you think I'm going to waste me time jumping up and down for flying parchment?"
Xena: "It is not a waste of time! I'm trying to test ... oh, oh, ha ha ... excuse me, I ... uh ... I didn't wanna make you feel uncomfortable."
Gabrielle: "Uncomfortable? Me? What are you talking about?"
Xena: "Well ... yeah ... you know, your little problem ... your height."
Gabrielle: "You want me to catch your little silly clip, do ya? Fine. I'll show you height ... Got it! Now what? ... (crash!!!)"
Xena: "Needs some minor adjustments. I can make ‘em up at the lake."
Gabrielle: "Hey, is that Joxer?"
Joxer: "Mmm ... bug."
Gabrielle: "That is so disgusting. Xena, he's been acting very strange. I don't think we should be seen in public with him."
Xena: "He's acting strange because something happened to him at the temple. Aphrodite must have put some kind of spell on him. Now he's obsessed with that silly story about the ape man."
Xena: "You know, you've got the obsession thing, too."
Gabrielle: "Excuse me?"
Xena: "Ooh yeah."
Gabrielle: "What am I obsessed with?"
Xena: "Your opinion of yourself is flying higher than my flying parchment."
Gabrielle: "That's ridiculous. My opinion of myself hasn't changed one iota since ... (Xena unsheathes her shiny and amazingly reflective sword) ... oh, oh yeah, lookin' good."
Gabrielle: "Alright, if we're all obsessed with something then what about you? What are you obsessed with?"
Xena: "Well, that's the good news. I haven't been affected by the spell, so I can still take care of business. So, let's fish! ... Joxer, move it ... and bring some of whatever it is you're eating, it might be good bait."
Gabrielle: "I still don't see why we didn't bring Argo. I'm getting calluses ... perfect calluses."
Xena: "I let Argo roam for a while. I need to concentrate totally on the mission at hand."
Gabrielle: "Is that the diamond?"
Xena: "Yeah, and the diamond."
Gabrielle: "You know, Xena, I've been thinking about rewriting this scroll."
Gabrielle: "It just doesn't have a point of view. You know, it needs more verve, more character, more ... more of me. It doesn't sing to me like this. Actually, that's a great idea, a scroll should be sung, not told ...Xena: "... Are you out of your mind?!"
Well ... listen to m' story 'bout Gabrielle,
cute little gal that's looking pretty swell,
Perfect hair, such a lovely lass,
nice round breasts and a firm young ..."
Gabrielle: "Too loud? Are you worried we're gonna get there and the fish will be gone?"
Xena: "I'm worried we'll get there and the fish will be armed."
Xena: "It's just the way I remember it. Amazing."
Gabrielle: "It's just wonderful. It's flawless. I feel right at home here."
Xena: "This is the ultimate fantasy."
Gabrielle: "I am the ultimate fantasy."
Gabrielle: (while brushing her golden locks) "105 ... 106 ... What are we doing here?"
Xena: "I'm just gonna alter the landscape a little bit."
Gabrielle: "... 108 ...Why?"
Xena: "You remember the Mystic Diamond? Well, Aphrodite thinks that what's happened to you and to Joxer will make me forget about it. But no, no I'm gonna get it back. And, while I'm at it, there's nothing wrong with getting in a little fishing."
Gabrielle: "What does that (Xena's chakram) have to do with the diamond?"
Xena: "This is gonna cause an avalanche in the canyon. It will force Aphrodite's henchmen to detour around the lake ... (zing) ... (zing) ... (zing) ... (crash!) ... (zing) ... There, that ought to do it. And now, it's time for a little fun."
Gabrielle: "One hundred and-- ... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ..."
Xena: "This is going to be the best day of your young lives. C'mon Gabrielle, let's get wet!"
Xena: "C'mon, Gabrielle, get your gear off!"
Gabrielle: (to Joxer) "You'd like that, wouldn't you? No, I'm sorry, Joxer, I take my clothes off, I could kill you. Beauty can do that ... Did I just say that? Is Xena right? Have I gone to far? Am I obsessed with myself? ... No, what's not to like!"
Xena: "Oh, Gabrielle. C'mere, I want to show you something."
Gabrielle: "Well, you'll have to show me from here. This little minx is staying on dry land."
Gabrielle: "You have a fish wrapped around your finger."
Xena: "Gabrielle, I forgot how much fun this is! C'mon, give it a try. It's easy."
Xena: "All you have to do is you stick your hand underneath the water and you feel around until you find a great big succulent fish, and then you do this ... you wiggle your fingers so it looks like bait, and then ... whammo!"
Gabrielle: "You punch it in the face? ... Why would I want to do that?"
Xena: "Because it's fun."
Gabrielle: "Right. Ramming my fist down the throat of an innocent little fish."
Xena: "Well, don't knock it till you've tried it!"
Xena: "Gotcha, gotcha, now I'm gonna eat ya ... Hey, Gabrielle, why don't you give it a try, huh? I'm gonna go gut these."
Gabrielle: "She wants me to fist a fish? I can barely say it, much less do it ... Xena, you just don't realize how primitive you really are ... She just doesn't truly appreciate the great work of art that I am ... (gazes longingly at her reflection in the lake) and who is that that I see before my eyes? Oh, yeah."
Joxer: "Wiggly food."
Xena: "Okay, you take care of these (fish). I'm gonna start a fire."
Joxer: "Oh ... oh."
Joxer: "Ah Ah. I Attus, King of Trout and Ruler of its people. I set you free ... huh? ... ha ha ha ha ha ... you tell good joke, Trout Brother. But now I must have tribute. Go. Swim. Be free. Go. Go."
Xena: "Now you listen to me, Monkey Man! You ever do that again and you will find my fist down your throat. Gabrielle and I didn't come ... Gabrielle!"
Gabrielle: (glub glub)
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