Aphrodite creates a little mayhem when a few of her temples are threatened. Joxer becomes enchanted, gets the girl, loses the girl, gets the girl again, and then loses her again. Gabrielle plays referee and gets to the bottom of things all on her very own.
Xena: "Gabrielle, relax. Enjoy yourself for a few days. I can handle this without you."
Gabrielle: "Fine. Maybe there are a few problems around here I can handle without you."
Xena: "Well, if there are, I'm sure you're up for the challenge. See you in a few days."
Gabrielle: "‘I'm sure you're up to the challenge.' How patronizing can you get?"
Joxer: "Where's Xena?"
Gabrielle: "She's off being a hero."
Joxer: "How come you're not with her?"
Gabrielle: "Because I'm a sidekick, obviously expendable when push comes to shove."
Joxer: "That's great! Don't you get it? You're a sidekick without a hero, and I'm a hero without a sidekick."
Gabrielle: "Of course, you're a hero ... a hero of what?"
Gabrielle: "You know, one day you'll realize what it really means to be a hero and then you'll change your tune."
Joxer: "Look, what would Xena do in a situation like this?"
Gabrielle: "Like what?"
Joxer: "Like ... um ... you know ... walking."
Gabrielle: "Actually, she would guard our rear."
Joxer: "She would?"
Gabrielle: "Hmm, and she would stay way back to intercept anybody that would follow."
Aphrodite: "I have this overwhelming sense of grodiness."
Aphrodite: "I'm Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love. Temples are my kahunas, the way I know whether I'm happening or not."
Ileandra: "You saved us."
Joxer ???: "My sword is always ready to pleasure you, my lady."
Joxer ???: "Each of you is like a rose in the garden of life. But, I have come to sample just one."
Aphrodite: "Who would want to look at a stupid river when you could look at me?"
Gabrielle: "Don't you just love happy endings?"
Joxer: "Yeah, but just once, I'd like to have a happy ending."
Joxer ???: "Your beauty inspires me to do the most manliest of deeds."
Aphrodite: "Oh, I'm so good ... when I'm bad, I'm better."
Aphrodite: "Love isn't just about happy endings. There's also jealous love and unrequited love and tragic love. And when you strip away all the tinsel it's just about hormones, isn't it?"
Joxer ???: (to Ileandra) "Whatever happens, our love will never die."
Gabrielle: "No, but he might."
Joxer ???: "Come, your destiny lies at the point of my sword."
Gabrielle: "You can't control it, Joxer, you're under some sort of hypnotic spell or something. Any bell ringing transforms you."
Joxer: "I'm disappointed in you, Gabrielle."
Joxer: "I think you're jealous. I mean, I can understand that. You want to be the hero so bad you can't stand the thought of me saving the day. Gabrielle, there's nothing wrong with being a sidekick."
Gabrielle: "Glad you like it, Joxer. You'll make a great sidekick, just hang in there and keep the faith."
Joxer: "Joxer the Mighty, he roams through the countryside.
He never needs a place to hide with Gabby as his sidekick, fighting with her little stick,
Righting wrongs and singing songs, he's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty
He's Joxer the Mighty, he's really tidy.
Everybody loves him cause he has a funny grin.
He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty"
Aphrodite: "Could you be anymore clumsy? This is, like, a brand new antique."
Cupid: "Well, Gabrielle, when the Goddess of Love decides to do something petty and spiteful she can be a tad difficult to reason with."
Gabrielle: "So you're going to let an innocent man die?"
Aphrodite: "Oh come on, nobody's really innocent ... well, maybe you. Besides, I can't break the spell, if I did everyone would think I was pressured into it by some mortal. My goddess stock would plummet."
Gabrielle: "But I ..."
Aphrodite: "Gotta bail, bodacious waves at Naxos. Later."
Gabrielle: "Take off the spell. You're the Goddess of Love. Love is gentle and soft, not violent and cruel."
Aphrodite: "You don't know much about love, do you?"
Aphrodite: "Alright, I give. He's the idiot full-time again."
Ileandra: "Gabrielle, thank you for everything."
Sarpedon: "You're a real hero."
Gabrielle: "I'm just an overachieving sidekick."
Xena: "Gabrielle told me what happened. You did some very brave things."
Joxer: "But that wasn't me."
Xena: "That's where you're wrong."
Joxer: "What do you mean?"
Xena: "The gods can't give us anything that isn't already n our hearts. Aphrodite just used what was already there. The real Joxer might not be the greatest swordsman, but he's got the heart of a lion."
DISCLAIMER: The producers wish to acknowledge the inspiration of Danny Kaye and pay tribute to the classic motion picture Court Jester.